With a face of pure demonic insanity...

No, you see. Here's the problem. You don't know the history of psychiatry. I do.

I made my first ever purchase on eBay last week, and yesterday my item arrived. Say hello to the "Tom Cruise Jumping on Oprah's Couch" bobblehead--given away by my new favorite sports team, the minor-league baseball Lake Elsinore Storm (located in SoCal, I'm told). In addition to the fabulous bobblehead, Tom Cruise night featured a number of other festivities, including a "silent inning" to celebrate the "silent birth" of potentially real baby Suri. Read about the night here. (All Cruise quotes in this post are from the transcript of Matt Lauer's interview with Cruise on the Today show, helpfully transcribed by blogger Michelle Collins. Thanks, Michelle.)

Matt. Matt, Matt, you don't even-- you're glib. You don't even know what Ritalin is. If you start talking about chemical imbalance, you have to evaluate and read the research papers on how they came up with these theories, Matt, okay? That's what I've done. Then you go and you say where's-- where's the medical test? Where's the blood test that says how much Ritalin you're supposed to get?

As someone who has dabbled in the psychological arts, I must say that it is exciting to be tutored about psychiatry from a funtionally illiterate cult puppet. Every time I look at my bobblehead, I can here an angry little voice squeaking "I've read the papers! I've read things! Where's the blood test?"

And then I thwack his head with my finger.