Tall Buildings Make Me Hot

In order to increase the inevitable carnage from the almost-assuredly-
sometime-in-our-lifetime Hayward Earthquake, the Powers-That-Be in San Francisco have decided the skyline needs another very tall building. Ergo, the Transbay Terminal of the future: a transportation hub with attached skyscraper. As we've learned in recent years from the MoMA and Carnegie Hall, a building ain't shit anymore if it don't got a tower attached to it. (Hmmm... I wonder if it's an accident that the same firm that built those two towers is building the Transbay...) I'm pretty sure there's an elementary school being built down the street from me in Santa Cruz that has a tower attached. "First Class Residential Living, Within Reach of the First Grade." Anyway...

The Transbay winning design, as chosen today by the Transbay Joint Powers Authority, is the not-exactly-iconic glass dildo designed by Kelly Clarkson Kelly Pelli Clarke Pelli. Seriously, I think I've identified the inspiration for this building:

Yes, that's right. The new Transbay Tower is based on a "personal massager" (and no, not all skyscrapers look like one. Would you ever put this in your vagina? Not on purpose, that's for sure. Eek.)

Of course, Pelli Clarke Pelli aren't terrible architects. They are responsible for the Petronas Towers (which actually might resemble another kind of sex toy). There's also something to be said for the pagoda-meets-prison ambiance of their Humanities and Social Sciences Building at UC Riverside (Go Highlanders!). But damn, for a building that is supposed to become the anchor of the SF skyline, the Transdildo isn't very inspired.

It might be argued that the most important part of the design is not the tower, but the public spaces at street level: the park, the terminal, the promenades. Well maybe, but aren't all those spaces just going to be covered with urine and feces?