News Roundup: Gov. Sunshine, Man-Goblin, and the Bluth family

Governor Sunshine's post-impeachment press conference was absolutely thrilling, especially the desperation that sneaks into his voice as he offers to play basketball with some local kid. This is fun of the highest order.

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But, there were actually loads of other neat items in the news today. Here's a roundup:

• File under "good news." As per Defamer, Jeffrey Tambor assures "Arrested Development" fans that Michael Cera will definitely participate in the AD movie. Cera's participation had been in question, but Pop Pop has confidence that he can persuade Cera if necessary. Fosco once saw Mr. Tambor live (when Fosco was a member of the studio audience of "Regis and Kathie Lee"--don't ask) and his personal charisma is considerable. I believe he can make this movie happen.
  
  
• You may remember Fosco's admiration for Brenda "Wire-haired Man-goblin" Warner. Well, Brenda and her husband, Arizona quarterback Kurt Warner, are the subject of an inspirational email that is making the rounds of all well-meaning middle-aged Christian women who don't understand the meaning of the word "spam." You know, like Fosco's Aunt Bonnie.
  
  According to Deadspin, the email tells the heart-warming story of "Kurtis and Brenda," two crazy kids with little in common except an inexplicable physical attraction and a burning love for Christ. The email plays up lots of more Christian-y aspects of the couple's courtship (yet is curiously silent on the subject of saddlebacking). The best part of the story, however, is all the basic facts that it gets wrong, and usually in such a way as to make the story less interesting (oddly enough). Here's a quote from the Deadspin piece:
  

  Brenda was never a checkout girl. She met Kurt when he was still in college and before his career took its unfortunate turn for the worse. (She actually stuck with him, despite his many football failures.) They were together five years before they got married, not one. Her son, Zachary, is actually her oldest child and he doesn't have Down's Syndrome. His birth father dropped him on his head when he was an infant, leading to brain damage and blindness. (The trauma of that incident let to the father leaving Brenda, while she was pregnant with her second child.) Also, left out: the tornado that killed Brenda's parents in 1996; the spider bite that cost Kurt a tryout with the Bears; and Brenda's first career as a freakin' Marine.

  Wow. Put that all together and I think you have the best white trash epic since The Grapes of Wrath.
  
  
• And that Steinbeck reference provides a nice segue to this bit of local news from the San Jose Mercury News. A restaurant war on Monterey's Fisherman's Wharf has erupted and it's gotten nasty. Apparently, the hosts at one restaurant have been dumping another restaurant's pagers into the ocean. It happens like this (now follow along here, it gets a little complicated):
  
  1. Prospective customers go to Restaurant 1 where they are placed on a waitlist and given a pager.
     
  2. Prospective customers walk along the wharf while they wait for their pager to summon them.
     
  3. Prospective customers are accosted by the host at Restaurant 2 who notes that they can be seated immediately at said Restaurant 2.
     
  4. When the prospective customers agree to be seated at Restaurant 2, the host at Restaurant 2 claims that he/she will return the unneeded pager to Restaurant 1.
     
  5. Restaurant 2 host does not return the pager, but rather drops it into into Monterey Bay, where it immediately becomes a choking hazard for curious sea lions. Okay, I made up the sea lion part.
  Believe it or not, this sequence of events was established in a sting by two undercover police officers (Monterey doesn't have drugs or murder, apparently). A diver(!) "reportedly discovered seven pagers on the sea floor under [Restaurant 2]. During another dive, three more pagers were found."