Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Wasillans Welcome

Fosco mentioned early last week that he was proud and excited to log his first Fosco Lives! visitors from China. Well, he's had one more Chinese hit since then (so much for his strategy to get blocked by Chinese censors). But, this excitement pales in comparison to Fosco's absolute thrill to see a visit last week from Governor MooseMunch's illustrious hometown, Wasilla, Alaska! It's true! Here's the relevant portion of Fosco's site traffic report:

To tell the truth, Fosco is a bit obsessed with Wasilla. After all, it's the location of so many important sites in recent political history, such as

But Wasilla isn't just great for its tour of Palin idiocy. Apparently, they have some other idiots as well. The town was the 2003 Duct Tape Capital of the World, after the Wasilla WalMart sold more duct tape in 2002 than any other WalMart in the world. I would hate to speculate why a town of seven thousand people would need so much duct tape, but I suspect it has something to do with meth labs, taxidermy, and incest.

Oh, and did I mention that Wasilla is beautiful? I didn't? That's because it's not. Here is the splash page of the official City of Wasilla website:

Go ahead, click on the picture and look at it full size. And then tell me what you see. As far as Fosco can tell from this picture, Wasilla is a traffic light, a Burger King sign, and some sort of factory.

Why in the world would any city choose that picture to represent itself on its official website? Fosco has lived in (or near) some hellholes in his peripatetic life, but even the worst of them have (misleadingly) beautiful pictures on their official websites. Even if your town isn't beautiful and you don't want to lie, you could still put up pictures of snowmobiles or something. Or the Wasilla Multi-Use Sports Complex. I mean, hasn't Wasilla learned the most important lesson of Sarah Palin? You can polish a turd.

And to think, this is the town that Governor MooseMunch proudly claims as the "real America." [Fosco shudders.]

Of course, Wasilla residents are always welcome here at Fosco Lives! Maybe this site can provide a public service by offering a window into the world of books, art, and urban life. Fosco would also like to extend a special welcome to the queer youth of Wasilla: there is a world outside of Wasilla. Come join us.


m said...

That hillbilly website froze my laptop. Also, pizza is more expensive in Alaska. Fuck that.

(sorry, it's early and I have not had my pills)

Jill said...

Duct Tape = Pedophile Uncle...for me at least.