Thursday, December 18, 2008

I can see your death...

Everything about America is now best expressed using a red and blue map, even your risk of dying from a natural hazard. For the purposes of this map, a natural hazard is anything weather- or geology-related (tornado, flood, earthquake, rockslide, snowstorm, Jim Cantore, etc.) Or, if you live in Kentucky, a natural hazard is what God sends to punish the gays. Either way, your risk of dying in one can be calculated (especially if you are gay--okay, not really).

At any rate, scientists have done the work (so you don't have to!) and have produced the following "death map":

Just as on any recent political map you've seen, blue is good and red is bad. The blue counties are counties in which people are less likely than average to die of a natural disaster. The red counties are more likely than average. The white counties are average. Gets it?

A few noteworthy observations:

  • The lovely Bay Area is a big blue splotch (including Santa Cruz). What that says is that, even with our earthquakes, we're still outliving the rest of y'all.
  • There is further evidence that Utah sucks.
  • Getting stabbed by a smack-addicted tranny hooker is apparently not a natural hazard, because Las Vegas is a white county.
  • Alaska and Hawaii are not included because neither state has ever reported a death from natural hazard (although that Greg Brady surfing incident was a close call).
  • Arkansas is almost completely red, presumably because ATV accidents often involve some natural component (e.g., tree branches, dirt ramps, ponds, raccoons).
You may now plan the rest of your life accordingly.

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