Birthday Panda for Jeremy

As Fosco mentioned, today is the birthday of his college roommate Jeremy. Of course, in Hong Kong, Jeremy's birthday was already yesterday. Or tomorrow. I can't quite tell.

At any rate, as a web-based gift, Fosco would like to offer this song by Deerhoof:



Warning: those who hate pandas will not appreciate this song.

"Panda panda panda panda pan. China!"

Keith Olbermann: Bust the Trusts

Corporations are not our friends. They do not have our best interests at heart. They don't care about you or your economic well-being.

It's time we did something about that.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Amen, brother.

A Big Cuddly Hecatomb

From yesterday's Huffington Post, this headline:

Actually, I'm not sure whether this is a headline or a threat--you know: "Give me the briefcase or cute animals will have to die."

Apparently, the linked article is all about how most of the pro-environment behaviors that make the bourgeoisie feel less guilty will be entirely insufficient to prevent bad, bad things from happening (and, in fact, some of those behaviors are actually surprisingly counterproductive). It's the kind of article that someone like The BeeMaster would love, but Fosco is actually more interested in speculating about the deaths of cute animals. Like, for instance, do we get to choose which cute animals die?

I already know that Mere would willingly sacrifice pandas for an ice cream cone. But let's up the stakes a little: which cute animal(s) would be willing to sacrifice in order to stop global warming? Of course, in some sense, there might not be much of a choice: extreme global warming might kill all the cute animals anyway. But, think about it this way: which cute animals won't you miss?

Personally, I think I am willing to give up zebras, lions, raccoons, wolves, and kangaroos. I would be sad about moose and mountain goats, but it wouldn't be the end of the world. I would really miss black bears and the pretty-colored songbirds. And sea otters are entirely non-negotiable.

Oh megafauna, why must you be so charismatic?

Like the shark, the panda has millions of teeth.

Sometimes the world just makes you smile:

Gu Gu the panda has struck again, mauling someone who jumped a barrier to retrieve a child's toy, in his third attack on a visitor at the Beijing zoo.

[...]

The 240-pound (110-kilogram) Gu Gu bit the intruder's legs and refused to let go until zookeepers pried his jaws open with tools.

[...]

The Beijing News said the latest victim suffered damage to major ligaments and is recovering from surgery.

It's so hard to choose the best part of this story. Is it that the panda clamped his jaws on the victim and wouldn't let go? Is it that the victim has major ligament damage? Is it that this is the panda's third attack on a visitor? Or is it that the vicious panda's name is Gu Gu?

Fosco has been saying for years that pandas are nature's perfect killing machines, but no one has been listening (to be honest, Fosco has mostly been saying this to his stuffed panda, Baby Bamboo). But, in any case, this story is a good opportunity for everyone to learn a bit more about pandas.

Which brings me to the long-canceled MTV show "Sifl and Olly." This was that show with the sock puppets that sometimes showed videos and did comedy skits. In Fosco's opinion, it was one of the funniest shows ever on television, mainly because of its pure random silliness. One of its best recurring jokes was the strange panda-masked man. Fosco hadn't seen these skits in probably ten years, but here they are (just as funny as ever). If you've never seen "Sifl and Olly," do yourself a favor and watch these clips.

The Panda Interview:


The panda has a very lot of mysterious qualities!

The Panda Song:


Chorus:
The pandas are coming.
So hide under your bed.
The pandas are coming.
They'll rip your ass to shreds!

I don't know about you, but I'm drunk on panda mystery.