Monday, September 18, 2006

The Constitution is bringing sexy back.

It is a sad commentary on our times that Congress can pass a law requiring Constitution education for college students and I would want to make fun of it. What could be wrong with compelling universities to teach the Constitution on this day? I don't know yet, but I suspect the execrable David Horowitz is involved somehow. And as for making fun of Constitution education, according to yesterday's Times Magazine, it's the Way We Live Now.

Of course, I would never deny that there is widespread ignorance about (and apathy toward) the basic principles of the Constitution. Or, as UCSC Acting Chancellor George Blumenthal so laconically writes:

More students have greater knowledge of pop culture versus the United States Constitution.
I'm no expert on the students of today (because, goodness knows, I certainly don't understand this whole shaved pubes thing), but I have to wonder if students don't pay attention to the Constitution because it's a bit... well... dry.

And so, what if we were to "punch it up a bit"? We could do a bit of amending to make it a much more interesting document. After all, if we're going to amend it every time homosexuals get a little too uppity, then why not spice it up in other ways? Just a suggestion.

As Fosco is dedicated to the education of the today's youth, he would like to offer four things you may or may not know about the US Constitution:
  • Sections of the Constitution (also called "Articles") are allowed to have "groupies" and sometimes these groupies blog.
  • The 12th Amendment is the source of most of the lyrics to the recent hit song "Sexyback."
  • Although the Constitution provides for "checks and balances" on the power of each of the three branches of government, one of them is actually intended to be a lot cooler than the others (hint: they wear black muumuus).
  • The opening word of the Constitution are often confused with other important texts in American history. Let's clear up this confusion now:
    • The first words of the Contitution are "We the people..."
    • The first words of the Declaration of Independence are "When, in the course of human events..."
    • The first words of the Gettysburg Address are "Fourscore and seven years ago..."
    • The first words of Lolita are "Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins."

    Don't miss this on the exam.
Happy Constitution Day everyone!

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