Denouement: 9/24-9/30

Last week, while you were writing sexually explicit emails to a teenage Congressional page, Fosco was

• urging you to attend the sexy, sexy church of your choice (with your family).
  
• interpreting the affection of squirrels, learning to speak "gay slang," and worshipping a pink-haired, anatomically-impossible, Japanimation character.
  
• considering whether to intern for Mark Foley or for Joss Whedon.
  
• waiting patiently for the inevitable Urkel sex tape.
  
• imagining how it feels to have an javelin sticking out of one's foot. (The Verdict: Painful, but still probably better than being an intern for Joss Whedon.)