Denouement: 9/2-9/9

Last week, while you were celebrating Ann Beattie's 60th birthday, Fosco was

• continuing his long campaign to destroy the monster Orville Redenbacher.
  
• ironing out the wrinkles in time.
  
• sailing away, set[ting] an open course for the virgin sea.
  
• being a college freshman. In his MIND.
  
• having some laughs with found pictures.
  
• trying to see Zac Ephron's sixpack through the cloud of smoke.
  
• wondering how many millions make a billion.

Denouement: 8/26-9/1

Last week, while you were coming to terms with your terrible knowledge of Judith Thurman's colonic irrigation, Fosco was

• trying to keep "American Idol" viewers away from his beach.
  
• beating a dead gay horse and then beating him again. Oh, and then laughing at the ads for said dead horse. Mmmm, repetitive.
  
• fondly remembering a meal that didn't come wrapped in a flour tortilla.
  
• wondering whether Young Jeezy is a better poet than Chamillionaire. (Making up rapper names is fun!)
  
• considering the changing fashions for the "short n curlies."
  
• feeling alternately juvenile and sulky.
  

Oh, and he changed the blog color scheme like five times. Now it's red.

Denouement: 10/1-10/15

Over the last two weeks, while you were planning a week of Oakland A's World Series parties, Fosco was

• revealing his history of borderline inappropriate text-messaging.
  
• making enemies of powerful people in academia.
  
• finding himself thankful for our northerly neighbors--just not for their bacon.
  
• crossing a rainbow bridge into a magical fairy land where lollipops grow on candy trees and gumdrops sprout from the chocolate ground.
  
• convincing himself that Robbie Coltrane is actually a pretty handsome guy.
  
• making a mockery of all that is holy (in classical music).
  
• pissing off his coupled friends.
  
• realizing that running nude combines his two least favorite activities.
  
• going to the symphony... and then snarking off to some Minneapolis homer in the Comments.
  
• making fun of Skeletor Joyce Carol Oates.
  

Denouement: 9/24-9/30

Last week, while you were writing sexually explicit emails to a teenage Congressional page, Fosco was

• urging you to attend the sexy, sexy church of your choice (with your family).
  
• interpreting the affection of squirrels, learning to speak "gay slang," and worshipping a pink-haired, anatomically-impossible, Japanimation character.
  
• considering whether to intern for Mark Foley or for Joss Whedon.
  
• waiting patiently for the inevitable Urkel sex tape.
  
• imagining how it feels to have an javelin sticking out of one's foot. (The Verdict: Painful, but still probably better than being an intern for Joss Whedon.)

Denouement: 9/17-9/23

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Denouement: 9/11-9/17

Last week, while you were feeling betrayed by lonelygirl15, Fosco was

• seeking refuge in art.
  
• ogling Matthew Barney's penis; Bjork's not so much.
  
• eating lots of very small things.
  
• attempting Matthew Barney-related humor. Gee, that will play to the masses.
  
• wondering how to salvage the three cartons of contaminated spinach in his fridge.
  
• recounting his field trip to San and Francisco.
  
• learning absolutely everything about Paraguay. EVERYTHING, I say.
  
• pretending to be Paul Goldberger and then pretending to be Peter Schjeldahl.

Denouement: 9/3-9/10

This week, while you were creating your very own blog about masturbation, Fosco was

• discovering that he likes it "Animal Style."
  
• studying for a physics exam.
  
• looking at pictures of Bush.
  
• taking field trips to Pebble Beach and Redwood Country.
  
• wondering how to utilize the heat emitted by Latinos.
  
• writing filthy limericks while enjoying casual sex in Steinbeck country.
  
• wondering how some people can live with themselves.
  
• out on the run tonight, but there's no place left to hide.
  
• shaking his milk.
  
• imagining the future of the country.

Denouement: 8/27-9/2

This week, while you were packing your Subaru for Burning Man, Fosco was

• meeting Jonathan Franzen
  
• discovering the Evil in Santa Cruz's past
  
• cruising the bathrooms of queer colleges
  
• eating falafel
  
• thinking (non-erotically) about Rick Moody
  
• suffering from sunburn
  
• buying antique opera glasses
  
• considering reactionary solutions to the crisis in higher education
  
• and, oh yeah, pretending to be at Burning Man

Happy Labor Day Weekend!