A Fosco Lives! Exclusive: Horowitz To Be Named UCSC Chancellor

The UC Regents will announce the appointment of a new UCSC chancellor tomorrow. Sources close to the Regents have revealed to Count Fosco that conservative agitator David Horowitz is the surprise choice to fill the vacancy opened by Denice Denton's suicide last summer.

Horowitz's appointment is particularly interesting given that he has recently called UCSC "the Worst School in America." His lengthy indictment of the humanities division UCSC can be read secondhand via the liberal Canadian Dimension (in good conscience, I just can't link directly to Horowitz's website). Horowitz expanded his critique of UCSC in an interview on FoxNews. Horowitz singles out noted professors Angela Davis, Bettina Aptheker, and Donna Haraway as particularly threatening.

Horowitz could not be reached for comment, but sources close to the Regents suggest to Fosco that Horowitz's tenure at UCSC is likely to marked by a return to traditional principles of academic freedom. Horowitz is expected to insist that students have the opportunity to learn the benefits of free and open markets. Additionally, Horowitz has publicly pledged to allow students freedom from professors with vaginas (one of the most dangerous threats to academic excellence).

Horowitz and his partner Jason will host an inaugural reception this weekend at the Chancellor's residence.

A Fosco Lives! Exclusive: Carrie Underwood Eaten by Shark

It's Shark Week in Santa Cruz. (Although, in Fosco's house, every week is a type of Shark Week--Ace is high, deuce is low. Call them right and win the dough.)

As reported in today's Santa Cruz Sentinel, a Great White shark is back on the prowl near the Santa Cruz coast. As reported in the Sentinel, the twelve-footer mauled a surfer. However, Fosco's sources are telling him that the shark has claimed another victim: American Idol-winner Carrie Underwood.

This is particularly ironic, as Underwood is an extremely sexy vegetarian.

Fosco would like to call on everyone to take a moment tonight to join with your loved ones and sing one of Carrie's hit songs. Like, well... whatever those songs are. Wait, is she the one who sang "Since U Gone Away"? No? Well, how about "She Thinks His Name Was John"? No? Well, who was that?

Well, just say a prayer for Carrie.

Did you know that Fosco's good friend Liz was bitten by a shark? And now she's twice shy.

And in other news, did you know that Fosco was once bitten by Senator Larry Craig? (Guess where that happened... Hint: [flush].)

A Fosco Lives! Exclusive: Bald in Birmingham

Fosco usually doesn't pay much attention to his site statistics, except for an occasional glance at the geographical locations of his visitors. He almost never bothers to check the links that led people to Fosco Lives! But once in a while...

Last night, Fosco Lives! got a strange visit from Birmingham, Alabama. Here is the search that led him/her to this site:


I hope "Bald in Birmingham" found whatever he/she needed here at Fosco Lives!

A Fosco Lives! Exclusive: Robert Olen Butler Dead.

Fosco refuses to be outdone by Perez Hilton's numerous (and increasingly less convincing) announcements that Cuban strongman Fidel Castro is dead, dead, totally dead.

Luckily, Fosco has his own EXCLUSIVE to report: the death of Pulitzer-Prize-winning novelist Robert Olen Butler.



Mr. Butler's graduate students were notified last night. They were asked to keep the news quiet until after an official announcement, but you know how that kind of thing gets around...

Oh, and you know who should be dead? That guy who runs Comcast. I hate that dick.