Rounding Up Food, Again

"Foodie Friday" continues at Fosco Lives!

Here's a roundup of some very cool foodie things for the week:

• Fosco has been in love with kolaches for years, ever since Todd's remarkable parents introduced him to them. They buy them every so often at some ethnic bakery (Czech would make the most sense, but I don't think it's actually a Czech bakery) near St. Joseph, Michigan. In Fosco's experience, kolaches are kind of like heavy cookies with fruit filling and thick sugar glaze (like a crust, almost). I think Todd's parents normally get apricot and raspberry--both are good.
  
  UPDATE: Check the Comments section below for more information on this West Michigan bakery. It turns out that I was almost entirely wrong about everything. (What else is new...)
  
  Well, in this month's Gourmet, there is a feature article on kolaches! Apparently, the kolache capital of this country is central Texas(!), where the descendants of Czech settlers have created a kolache culture. Both the pictures and descriptions seem slightly different from the Western Michigan kolaches that Fosco is so fond of (these appear to be more like danishes), but they still look (and sound) amazing.
  
  But the best part? There is a chain of stores called The Kolache Factory (with locations all over the Midwest and Great Plains). Imagine--an entire factory dedicated to making kolaches! I am having "Willy Wonka" visions, yes I am. (Apparently, there is one in Austin. Hint, hint, John Mackey and AEJ.)
  
  
• I've mentioned before that I am now enthralled with Jean-Georges Vongerichten's blog. Well, recently J-G used his blog to announce two new innovations at his flagship restaurant in NYC:
  
  • the "select menu": a four-course meal of three signature dishes plus your choice of a dessert flight, all for $58. Even though the selected signature dishes are not quite as exciting as his frogs legs or black sea bass, this menu is an absolute steal at this price. This is a wonderful concession to a bad economy--thank you, J-G!
    
  • half glasses of wine: perfect for people like Fosco who like to taste a little wine, but who rarely want to finish a whole glass. As Jean-Georges notes:
    

    I noticed that people getting together at the bar would start with a glass of wine, and then be stuck in the awkward position of wanting to stay a little while longer, but not for another full glass. (Think first dates.) In the dining room, customers wanted to pair different wines with different courses, but didn’t want a full glass with each course. And colleagues who came in for lunch celebrations would want to order champagne, but a full glass is a bit much when you need to return to work. (In these times, it’s more important than ever to celebrate professional achievements.) Perhaps most importantly, I wanted diners who drove to my restaurants to drive home safely.

    I think this is brilliant, although I can't help but imagine the disdain the French will feel if they ever hear about it.
  
  
• Speaking of Jean-Georges, Mark Bittman explains a beet-roasting technique he learned from J-G himself. He also has an easy recipe for eating them:
  

  a dressing of walnuts, garlic and fresh orange juice. Note that all of these have some bitterness or acidity, which counter the sweetness of beets beautifully. To tame the garlic, I cook it quickly, along with the walnuts; toasting always makes nuts nuttier. This makes the purée smoother tasting as well.

  Fosco lurves beets and this sounds like a great preparation.
  
  
• You may know that the French Laundry (the best restaurant in the country) is located in the Napa Valley town of Yountville. Well, it turns out that, as Thomas Keller's restaurant empire grows, so do the ambitions of Yountville. As this article notes, Yountville is positioning itself to become the capital of Napa. As one resident suggests, Yountville is now the one stop that a person needs to make in Napa:
  

  "It's an experiential village — you can stay, eat, go to all these different restaurants, check out great art, enjoy the wine. It's what makes Times Square, Times Square. Yountville is the rural Times Square."

  Hmmm. An odd comparison, I think. Even so, Fosco is currently scheming a trip to Yountville; he'll keep you updated.
  
  
• Fosco's favorite Queen of Good Living, Jill of Stella's Roar, did some cooking and some mixology recently. Check out her amazing Gumbo YaYa and the filthily-named Black Snake Moan cocktail. I'm a little in awe of her lifestyle.

The Real Tragedy of Election '08

Ooooh, this is a good one!

Think back to last summer: a simpler time, when you could torture a suspected terrorist (just for fun!), when you could redecorate your office without getting lots of guff from the Congress, and when America was in love with an affable surrogate grandfather named Walnuts. Remember? And do you remember John McCain's glamorous wife (who, contrary to popular belief is not at all c*nty [not my word--follow the link])? Now think a little harder... Do you remember John McCain's daughter? No, not the brown one they hid during the campaign, but the white one (seen at right, dressed in a full-body turban).

During the campaign, Meghan "Peroxide" McCain reached out to youthful voters via her blog, bringing her father's message of hope to a new generation of capital-gains taxpayers and people who fear Mexicans. But since the election, Meghan has hit the big time, working as a writer for sites like The Daily Beast. Fosco hasn't followed her career too closely, but it's pretty clear that she didn't land these gigs based on her skills as a wordsmith (or, for that matter, her interesting perspective on life).

Which brings us to this article in The Daily Beast, in which Meghan McCain describes how her father's campaign has ruined her sex life. If Fosco believed in God, he's be offering thanks for this comedy gold.

Let's enjoy the best parts together, shall we? The piece starts with a bang:

The election killed my personal life.

OK, maybe killed is a bit of an exaggeration. But it does seem to be on life support. Of all the things people warned would happen post-election, no one ever said anything about how complicated dating would become. Especially if your dad loses the election. There are things that have been difficult, but nothing quite as tough as dating. I fear the election has destroyed my ability and desire to date.

Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure I heard Bristol Palin say something similar recently. But I know what you're thinking: how did the election ruin your dating life, Meggy? She is so glad you asked:

Here's the biggest surprise: I am not only turned off by people who voted for Barack Obama, but I am also turned off by people that voted for my dad—or more so, obsessive supporters of my dad. Recently, over dinner, a guy started explaining his reasons for supporting President Obama during the election (I didn’t ask, I think the poor guy felt guilty) and I immediately found any attraction I had previously had dissipate. But same thing happens if a guy starts talking about all the reasons why my father should be president. I have the ultimate Catch-22 in post-election dating. So where does that leave me, and who exactly am I attracted to? Let’s just say I’m spending a lot of time writing and even more time with my girlfriends.

Wow, that is a dilly of a pickle. It's almost like she can't date anyone who voted! Which means the bitter irony here is that Meghan's ideal man might just have to be a foreigner; too bad Papa Walnuts doesn't want to let any of them into the country. And is it just me, or at the end of that passage did she admit that she has now been driven to lesbianism? I can't imagine what Walnuts and the White Queen would think about that.

But don't worry: she still gets a lot of dates. And why wouldn't she? Check out that photo above. Who wouldn't want to date the star of Flashdance? What a feeling!

Now here's the creepy part: some of the McCainiacs want to play dress-up with Miss Meg...

One extreme fan of my mother’s recently told me I could be “his Cindy.” And then asked me if I ever wore pearls because they probably would look as good on me as they do on my mother. No, I'm not kidding. Any guy that has a fetish for older women in pantsuits and large pearls obviously only finds my last name attractive about me.

Eek! I'm not even going to consider the sexual fantasies that potential suitor must be having. Actually, come to think of it, I would bet that Sarah Palin is also involved in those fantasies.

The fans of Walnuts are not quite as creepy, but, as Meghan notes, they tend to have a very limited sense of humor:

Once I went out with a guy who said the food I had ordered was a “maverick choice” and proceeded to tell me, “Wow, straight talking must run in the family.” It’s like someone taking Lisa Marie Presley out on a date and singing “Hound Dog” in the middle of dinner.

Yes, and we all know how that turned out for poor Lisa Marie. Not to mention all the other John McCain-related lines the guy probably had prepared:

• "I sure hope you can raise your arms above your head!"
  
• "You can call me Joe the Plumber if it gets you off."
  
• "I'll never suspend my campaign to win your heart."
  
• "Hey, I think I just saw Lindsey Graham watching us from behind that curtain."
  

There were probably some other good ones [get to work, commenters!].

So what is the ultimate lesson of Meg's little essay?

So to all the fathers out there: If you want your daughters to be single in her 20s, I can say this—run for president.

I don't want to take this suggestion more seriously than it deserves, but, um, this actually didn't work for at least one of the Bush girls.

On the whole, though, I must say that I feel a bit sorry for Meghan. Who could have imagined that the 2008 election would have such momentous consequences? It's almost as if Americans made a decision about who to vote for without taking into account the effects on Meghan's personal life. It's almost as if Americans don't care about Meghan's happiness. Oh Meghan, what's a wealthy and well-connected young woman to do!


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Should Obama Help Elkhart?

Tomorrow, President Obama will make a speech in Elkhart, Indiana--a town very near where Fosco grew up (he still knows people who live there). It will be O's first visit with ordinary (trust me: very ordinary) Americans since becoming president. He will use the speech to play up the stimulus package and he couldn't have chosen a better place. Elkhart currently has the highest unemployment in the US (eighteen percent, according to Elkhart's mayor). This piece in USA Today offers the whole sad story about Elkhart.

You see, up until a few years ago, Elkhart used to call itself the "RV Capital of the World." They even have an RV Hall of Fame (Fosco has not visited yet, but Todd volunteers to give tours there on Sundays). Of course, the bad news for Elkhart is that the RV industry is not going to recover. Ever. The cheap-gas era is over. And I don't see "the electric RV" in my crystal ball. And the Senate Republicans can cut income taxes as much as they want (not that they really want to cut taxes for the lower middle class), but it's not going to bring RV jobs back to Elkhart.

I mean, I'm sure some of the Neo-Confederates would only be too happy to offer some low-paying, no benefits jobs to Elkhartians (let's open another WalMart!), but that's not really the kind of jobs that Elkhart needs, right? Hey, I have an idea: what if we invest in education and infrastructure! Maybe we could re-train some workers and set others to work on our crumbling transportation and electrical grids. Hmmm. I wish someone were proposing that kind of plan...

But do you know what's so maddening about Elkhart? The entire local economy has been "cratering" (to quote a geriatric schizoid) for over a year; and yet, this deeply racist and die-hard fundamentalist city still couldn't bring itself to vote for Obama last November. Fosco wants to fly back to Elkhart and grab each McCain voter by the collar and shake him or her: if the election had gone differently, do you really think John McCain would be giving a flying fuck about your hick-ass town right now? But hey--I'm sure you'd find unemployment less hopeless as long as there were fewer overseas abortions and a family of certifiable morons living in the Vice President's mansion.

At least some people in Elkhart have come around. As the USA Today article notes:

This area did not vote for Obama in November, but The Elkhart Truth newspaper is on board with that message now. "President Obama needs to help Congress understand that the stimulus package isn't about politics. It's about survival," the newspaper said in a Sunday editorial.

Maybe it would help if the residents of Elkhart (and other cities in Indiana) made a few calls to their elected representatives--and thought twice about voting for the Republican ones next election cycle.

Another Obama convert (sort of):

It feels that way to Ed Neufeldt, a father of seven who lost his $20-an-hour job in September. He had been building RVs at Monaco Coach for 32 years when his boss came out of a meeting in tears and announced that the company was closing its plant, putting 1,400 out of work.

Neufeldt, 62, has two children living at home, and two of his grown daughters and their husbands — all four also RV industry workers — are out of work as well.

When his unemployment runs out next month, "I don't know what I'm going to do," Neufeldt says. "I've been trying to find a job, but there aren't any jobs out there. I can't even get a minimum-wage job."

He didn't vote for Obama, but he's backing him now. In fact, Neufeldt will introduce the president at Monday's town-hall-style meeting. "Sometimes you don't care too much for the coach," he says, "but you're praying for him to win."

After eight years of a president who essentially ignored large portions of the electorate because they didn't vote for him (remember black people in New Orleans?), I think we finally may have elected someone who is willing to help all Americans--regardless of whether they can reciprocate with votes/donations. And while Fosco suspects that there are a number of people in Elkhart who don't really deserve Obama's help, it makes it all the more moving that they are going to get it anyway.

I hope Obama can help Elkhart. And I hope Elkhart can bring iself to acknowledge him when he does.

How McCain Could Win

As featured on Guanabee:

Apparently, this is what Walnuts McCain would look like if he were actually a member of his secret black family. I don't know about you, but I actually think it makes Walnuts look more good-natured and approachable. Now this is a man I would want in the White House! (I guess this is no surprise, as television has been familiarizing us with crusty-yet-lovable old black men for more than thirty years. Like him. Or him. Or him.)

As for "Chet Obama" there: why are white people such dorks? (And is he wearing John Edwards's hair?)

All the details on this poster can be found here.

Callin' for Barry

In an attempt to alleviate some of his election anxiety through action (and because he's run out of money to send to Obama-Biden), Fosco volunteered at his local Obama campaign headquarters today.

Because Fosco lives in California (which is completely "in the tank" for Obama), volunteering means making phone calls to lesser, er, "swing" states. The local HQ was hopping, with 15-20 volunteers at work (on a Sunday!). Fosco made calls for several hours to voters in Florida and Missouri.

In Florida ("America's Wang"), Fosco was calling mainly within Broward County, home of many elderly and tan. His calls in Missouri (the "Show-Me-Your-Tits State") were all over the place (as far as Fosco can tell, Missouri is made up of two cities: St. Louis and Everywhere Else).

On the whole, calling wasn't too discouraging. Floridians are mostly fatigued with election calls at this point (although that's their own fault--if they could be trusted to run a fair and efficient election...). Fosco talked to some nice Obama supporters. The McCain supporters weren't outright rude. Fosco spoke with three actual undecided voters (!), but he has no especial insight into this particular strain of psychosis (see below).

Most interestingly, Fosco did have a conversation with a Florida voter who was channeling the Crazy McCain Rally Lady. She kept asking me if Obama was from "the same people" that we're fighting over in Iraq (she didn't seem too impressed when I noted that he was born in the Sandwich Islands). However, she also said she isn't planning on voting at all, so that's just fine with Fosco.

Strangely, during the Missouri calls, Fosco found himself slipping into a mild Southern accent (droppin' his 'g's, etc.). I guess I'm just a regular Joe SixPack at heart.

Things You Should Know

Here's one of those "miscellaneous" posts, in which Fosco points you toward interesting titbits of information from the last few days.

• The recipient of the world's first face transplant is somewhat ambivalent about the whole thing. Although, she is French--and, as far as I'm concerned, the French invented ambivalence.
  
  What happened to her original face? Her dog ate it. I'd just like to point out that a pug would never do that.
  
  
• Remember how fiction totally sucks unless it's actually based on real events? Well, luckily for Willem Dafoe Daniel Defoe fans, Robinson Crusoe's island has been discovered! Begin the countdown until it becomes a theme park... now!
  
  
• Do you and your wives have trouble deciding who to vote for? Well, you're in luck, you crazy Fundamentalist Mormon. Because now there is a voter's guide for you and all of your nubile teenage daughters/brides (Note: nubile teenage daughters/brides may not vote until they are 18). The article does not say who the polygamists support for president, but (and I'm just thinking out loud here) John McCain seems to have had a couple of wives...

N.B., for the next two (nail-biting) days, Fosco has embedded the widget from the brilliant poll-crunchers at fivethirtyeight.com (see the embed at top left). Fosco cannot recommend this site highly enough, especially if you (like Fosco) are

1. obsessed with Tuesday's election
   
2. "in the tank" for Obama (and might I suggest that this phrase is one of the most annoying of the whole election season?)
   
3. secretly into statistics

Enjoy!

Political Roundup: Just... One... More... Week...

The wait is painful. So painful. Apparently Fosco is suffering from what HuffPo calls "election anxiety." Seriously. Fosco has even found himself discussing his election anxieties with his therapist. That's right, Fosco is paying someone to listen to his fears about Sarah Palin. All of it makes Fosco want to hide in a cow-box. Can you help Fosco build a cow-box?

Fosco isn't the only one who is unbalanced by this election. As Larry David says in his election anxiety piece (find it here):

I just don't like what I've turned into -- and frankly I wasn't that crazy about me even before the turn.

Fosco can only hope that he hasn't become as annoying as Larry David (tellingly, Fosco's boyfriend Oz refuses to comment).

Here are some stories from the last week that Fosco is still obsessing about:

• Fosco never thought he'd agree with anything that comes out of the mouth of preppy asshole Fucker Tucker Carlson. So what is wrong when Fosco finds the first half of this article to be right on? Fucker Tucker:
  

  it would be nice if we stopped pretending that anyone can run the government. Anyone can't, as successive administrations have learned the hard way.

  Luckily, just when Fucker Tucker starts to sound absolutely reasonable, he throws in something more problematic:
  

  In foreign policy, at least, it could be time to drop the [idea that democracy is always a good thing]. Elitism may be annoying, but the mob is dangerous.

  Can I wait to decide on that until November 5?
  
  
• Here are some good questions about Sarah Palin:
  
  Why does she hate science so much?
  Why would a well-educated woman idealize her?
  Is she dangerous for the game of hockey?
  
  Oh, and Fosco would like to suggest that whoever coined the acronym VPILF should win the Pulitzer Prize.
  
  
• Who's getting screwed by Bushonomics? Sadly, hit hard is Fosco's childhood home of Michiana. Here's an NYT article about the hopelessness that has hit Elkhart, Indiana. The Times calls Elkhart "the white-hot center of the meltdown of the American economy." Fosco stills knows people in this town, but he didn't realize things were so bad. As the article notes:
  

  The jobless rate in Elkhart has increased more than in any metropolitan area in the country; it rose over 4.8 percentage points from August 2007 to August 2008. According to labor statistics released this summer, nearly 10,000 people were out of work, a rate of 9.3 percent.

  Even sadder, is the Times's characterization of
  

  garage sales — which for scores of people in this town are a sole source of income, and for others the only source of clothing

  The Times is apparently quite fascinated by the phenomenon of Indiana garage/yard sales, as they make another appearance this week in this article. (In this interests of full disclosure, Fosco will admit that in his lifetime he has participated in four garage sales with his family.)
  
  
  Things are so bad in Indiana, it seems, that for the first time in 44 years Indiana may vote for a Democrat for president. When Fosco heard that Indiana may turn blue, he teared up. He never thought he'd live to see it.
  
  
• Of course, there's still one problem: the Republicans are going to steal this election. You know, just like they did last time.

McCain's Secret Black Family?

No, not that secret black family.

But this one.

Follow the above link to the (boo! hiss!) Wall Street Journal to read a fascinating history of the descendants of the slaves owned by John McCain's great-great-grandfather, a family lineage that also shares the name "McCain."

Whether or not the Black McCains are related to Walnuts is an open question:

The black McCains of today were raised to believe that they were blood relatives of the white McCains, dating back to slavery times. White McCains say they're unaware of any biological connection between the families. A spokesman for Sen. McCain declined to comment.

Seriously, though, this is not a shot at John McCain (although I reserve that right for the future). It's just a really interesting story about the ways in which African American history in this country is entwined with official "white" history. This is Skip Gates territory, my friends.