Wednesday, November 05, 2008

What does Sarah Palin know?

When Fosco was in high school, his American History teacher was (behind-his-back) nicknamed Captain Video, because he showed films in class four days a week (yes, Fosco went to public school). While this may account for why Fosco has only a vague understanding of World War I, it does mean that Fosco has a particularly vivid historical imagination (although that imagination tends to be populated by the likes of Matthew Broderick and LeVar Burton).

Anyway, on the one day a week that we didn't watch a movie in class, Captain Video would sometimes give a "current events quiz." The desk behind me was assigned to a girl I'll call Jenny R. Jenny R. was a transfer student (from Alaska, coincidentally...). She was pretty, popular, and dumb as an air mattress (not the only thing she had in common with an air mattress... ZING!). Now because Captain V. preferred to do as little work as possible, he had us grade each others' current events quizzes (usually by having us pass them one seat forward). And so Fosco usually ended up grading Jenny R.'s quizzes.

During this time, the North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA) was being debated in the US (yes, Fosco is that old). So, in that week's "current events" quiz, Captain Video asked the following question:

NAFTA has been in the news this week. It is a trade agreement between the United States, Canada, and Mexico. On what continent are those three countries?
I'll pause a moment to let that question sink in. Yes, my high school history teacher asked us which continent we lived on.

I think you know the punchline already.

That's right: Jenny R. got the answer wrong.

I was reminded of this story this evening when I read about another dimwit from Alaska who, based on recent reports from inside the McCain campaign, "was unable to name all the nations in North America."

The report also notes that
[Palin did not] understand that Africa was a continent rather than a single country.
Although, in her defense, I must admit that this map is rather confusing.

Of course, one of the greatest pleasures of the next week will be discovering more juicy titbits of ignorance from Governor Moosemunch (titbits that are now available as the Walnuts campaign decides to blame her for everything). But is this fair? Aren't there probably a lot of things that Sarah Palin does know about geography?

Things Sarah Palin Does Know about Geography
  1. The way to San Jose. Woh-woh-woh-woh-woh-woh-woh-woh-woh.
  2. Greenland is a lot smaller than it looks on a map.
  3. Argentina speaks Spanish. Brazil speaks Portuguese. Chile primarily speaks sign language.
  4. Real America is often left off maps, but you can find it by following the scent of cornbread and Believe.
  5. Go to world 1-2. At the end of the level, there is a pipe, and some bricks. You must smash the second to last brick and the third to last brick as seen to the left. Now you must stand on the edge of the pipe, duck, and face left. Now jump to the right towards the one block that you didn't break, while facing left. You should slide right through the bricks. Go into the first pipe when you get to the other side. You should be warped to the minus world, the level is -1.
  6. In Australia, kangaroos are called "roos." Although sometimes they are called "kangas."
  7. That island on Lost is no longer where it used to be.
  8. "Wait. There's a New Mexico?"

And I'm sure that there are at least dozens more facts in Sarah Palin's head! Stay tuned for new discoveries.

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