Monday, February 12, 2007

Fosco's New Car (No Spoiler!)

Today, Fosco finally got around to buying a replacement car for the one that was totalled in The Accident. Why did he wait so long? It's not the fault of the insurance--they sent me the replacement check like two weeks ago. However, it has taken almost two weeks for me to continually revise downward my expectations about what I could buy with that insurance check. It turns out that cars are expensive. In the end, it came down to the following decision:

a non-American car several years old with quite a bit of mileage on it

OR

a 2006 Ford Taurus with 21,000 miles on it.

So, as much as Fosco thought he might enjoy a Honda or a VW, he ended up buying another Ford Taurus. Plus ça change.

In a way, this was the perfect choice for Fosco in that it allows him to avoid traumatic thoughts about the accident: from the interior, it is possible to believe that you are sitting in my last car (as only the exterior color is different). Continuity can be so comforting.

And what has Fosco named his new car? Say hello to Moby-Dick.


Moby-Dick seems like the perfect name for the car for several reasons:

  1. It's big. (Fosco likes roomy cars).
  2. It's white.
  3. Somewhere out there is a ditsy teen (named Ahabiana?) in a giant SUV, waiting to destroy it. You can't avoid Nemesis.
Just think how cool my "Suck My Drunk, I'm Dick" bumper sticker will look on it.

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Fosco Returns

Well, this is a little awkward... You know how apologies are sometimes... Do you forgive your Uncle Fosco? Please?

January is never a good month for Fosco--just ask his longtime pals. He tends to fall out of contact during that month. This year was a bit better, as Fosco remained aboveground for almost the whole month (let's try to forget that whole "Hibernation 2005" thing).

But now it's February, so let's sit down and catch up. What's new with you? Read any good books lately? Yeah, I know: that new Norman Mailer book about Hitler is totally lame. I mean, who writes about Hitler anymore? See, we're back to being friends--it's like I never left! And what is new in the life of Count Fosco? Oh, I have some stories...

It's a new quarter at UCSC and Fosco (thanks to a unexplained Regents Fellowship) isn't teaching and is taking a three seminars:

  • "American Renaissance and Expansion"--let's learn about the 19C in the American hemisphere! Or, more interestingly, let's read Moby-Dick. Sailor novels are HOT.
  • A seminar on Spinoza, taught by the legendary humanist Wlad Godzich. He's like a vortex of knowledge...
  • A course on 20C French reception of Hegel. Fosco finally accepts the necessity that he has to know Hegel.
And you know what? It turns out that this is slightly insane. Two serious theory seminars are testing the limits of Fosco's abilities. It's a great intellectual high, but the end of the quarter is fast approaching and three research papers are looming...

And what about fun? At some point in the next week or so, I will have to update you about:
  • Fosco's amazing trip to New York City with his sister, Maggie Tulliver.
  • recent eating adventures in Santa Cruz.
  • the beginning of Fosco's physical therapy to repair his damaged right pectoral (remember that pre-Christmas accident?)
  • Fosco's new car!
Stay tuned...

Monday, January 08, 2007

An Open Letter to the Harvard Corporation

To Members of the Selection Committee for the New Harvard President:

I am beginning to develop the suspicion that the Harvard Presidency is a lot like the job of Head Football Coach at the University of Notre Dame: it's one of those jobs that seems desirable to the general public, but no one well-qualified for it actually wants it. Who really wants to try to wrangle with such a notoriously arrogant and powerful faculty?

But if that isn't the case, allow me to throw my full support behind Amy Gutmann. Her qualifications are exceptional:

But the most important reason for my support of Dr. Gutmann is that she is smokingly hot. In the above picture, you can see her (bottom) in relation to another potential Harvard Presidential candidate, Ruth Simmons of Brown (top). This excellent comparison (thoughtfully provided by the NYTimes) demonstrates that, while Dr Simmons may be an excellent leader and administrator, she cannot compete with the sheer wattage of the delectable Dr. Gutmann. I mean, look at her. Damn.

With the pulchritudinous Dr. Gutmann at the helm, think of what Harvard could do! It would not be an exaggeration to say that Dr. Gutmann would be the most attractive Harvard President since the coy and dainty Increase Mather--and remember all of the amazing things that she did!

If it will assist in the decision-making process, allow me to commit to a donation in the amount of $10 million to Harvard University contingent on the appointment of Luscious Amy as President.

Sincerely,
[Redacted], Harvard Class of [redacted]

P.S.: Can you give Amy my email address? I want to ask her how she gets her skin so radiant.

Sunday, January 07, 2007

Weekend Update: A Little Bit of Outrage

Two news stories today that intrigued Fosco:

1. The NYTimes reports on the progress of the search for a new Harvard president. As an alumnus of the "Big H," Fosco is naturally interested in this topic (and wouldn't mind seeing the job offered to Al Gore). However, the Times took at different angle. Here's the lede:

Could Harvard be preparing to select a woman as its new president? A scientist? A female scientist?
Is it me, or are those increasingly incredulous question marks a bit offensive? I'm a little surprised the headline isn't something like "Harvard Seeks Scientifickal Lady: Feminine Charms Still Required."

One possible candidate for the position? Non-scientifickal political theorist Amy Guttman, president of Penn. That's her in the picture to the right during her 2006 Halloween party. She's posing with a Palestinian suicide bomber (costume). She's dressed as Glinda the Good Witch. As the Times article points out, this photograph may be enough to prevent her ascent to the Harvard presidency.


2. This story, from the Santa Cruz Sentinel made Fosco really mad at first. But then it started to make a little sense. Now Fosco is a bit ambivalent about the whole thing.

It seems that an anonymous donor has been paying for one-way bus tickets out-of-town for the Santa Cruz homeless. The program is being administered by the local Homeless Services Center. This sounds absolutely evil, right?

Well, except that, the idea sort of makes sense. According to the article:
the idea of helping homeless people move is gaining traction among people who think it makes little sense to provide meals and temporary shelter in a city where even the working poor have a hard time finding housing.
It is expensive to live here. And the program is totally voluntary, as the tickets are only offered to homeless people who want to leave Santa Cruz and start over someplace else.

Apparently, some other communities have been much less conscientious about the whole thing. According to the article, this is different from the "practice of dumping homeless people into other jurisdictions, as in 2004, when officials in San Benito County gave their homeless one-way bus tickets to Santa Cruz."

Now that's evil. Go to hell, San Benito County.

Alex Ross Reviews Fosco's Winter Plans

Although Santa/Satan failed to put hunky music critic Alex Ross in Fosco's stocking (despite Fosco's request), Fosco did have the pleasure (over the last month or so) of Ross's New Yorker reviews of both of the opera premieres that Fosco plans to attend this winter.

At the beginning of December, Ross reviewed the Vienna premiere of John Adams's new opera A Flowering Tree. (Fosco is going to see the US premiere in San Francisco in March.) This is exciting as, according to Ross's review,

the score is opulent, dreamlike, fiercely lyrical, at times shadowy and strange—unlike anything that the fifty-nine-year-old composer has written.
This sounds perfect, as Adams is Fosco's favorite contemporary composer and this opera seems to place him at the height of his powers. Look for Fosco's review in March.

Approaching sooner (i.e., in three weeks) is a Fosco trip to NYC to see the would-be blockbuster The First Emperor at the Met. How could Fosco (and his sister, Maggie Tulliver) resist taking a trip to New York to see this production? Music by superstar composer Tan Dun. Libretto by National Book Award-winner Ha Jin. Directed by Zhang Yimou, director of the films Hero and House of Flying Daggers. And singing the lead? Oh, just Placido Domingo (who is approaching retirement from the stage). How can this opera not be brilliant?

Well, it turns out that it isn't. According to Sexy Alex-y's review, some of the music is fascinating:
A Peking opera singer invokes the forces of yin and yang in a wailing chant. The chorus shouts, claps, slaps, and stomps. A zheng, or twenty-one-string zither, is savagely strummed; ceramic pots are struck with sticks. A variously blaring, trilling, rustling, and rumbling mass of sound rises up from the orchestra. Across the front of the stage, twelve drummers beat on drums with stones and knock the stones together. It adds up to a strictly organized thunder—and perhaps the most far-out music that has ever been heard at the Met.
But, alas, some of the music is not quite as thrilling:
long stretches of conversation are set to nondescript, tootling music of the kind that plays in movies when naughty pets or children are on the loose.
Ouch.

What else does my dear Alex have to say about the production? The libretto?: "inept." The production?: "misconceived." Placido Domingo?: "to have a Spanish tenor pretending to be Chinese while singing awkwardly in English stretched plausibility to the breaking point." Ouch, ouch, ouch.

Of course, Fosco is still excited about the trip. And still excited about seeing the opera--after all, maybe Alex is wrong... And even if the opera really is a disaster, it should still be fun to see. Watch for Fosco's review at the end of January.

Saturday, January 06, 2007

Happy Anniversary!

Fosco Lives! has been around now for exactly six months. As Fosco is a homosexual and therefore unable to be trusted with that most sacred of bonds (i.e., marriage), he isn't quite sure of the appropriate etiquette for celebrating a six month anniversary. Is fellatio involved? I sure hope so.

Or perhaps a brief post about the tiny (yet non-zero) impact that Fosco Lives! has had on the blogosphere in the last six months. How about that?

Most Popular Post: the all-time most popular post on Fosco Lives! is Fosco's meditation on Playboy's "Girls of the Big 12" pictorial. Read it here. Why has it been so popular? Several reasons:

  • Composer John Mackey linked to it from his blog and recommended it to his numerous loyal readers.
  • For a month after the publication of that Playboy issue, it got a hit a day from .edu domains in Texas and Oklahoma searching for "Playboy" and "Girls of the Big 12."
  • At least once a week, this post gets a hit from someone searching for Tasia Bauman (NSFW). Clearly, websurfers want to see more naked cowgirls (or at least this one). It's fun to watch the domains from which these searches are conducted: the US State Department (could it have been lesbian Condi?), gillette.com, and (interestingly) quakeroats.com. Do you think Quaker is looking to replace spokesgrampa Wilford Brimley with some sort of nude rodeo? Signs point to yes.
  • Even now, aat least once a day, this post gets a hit from someone who is searching Google for the phrase "shaved pubes." The strange thing is that, much of the time, the searcher actually clicks through to this post and reads at least a portion of it. Most of these searches come from foreign domains, which maybe sort of explains it. But, I have to ask: is it really so hard to find shaved pubes on the internet? Isn't there an easier way than to route through this page? I love the traffic and all, but jeez... Who doesn't know where to find shaved pubes online? Ten-year-olds?

Best Press: Fosco's post on Gay American and former New Jersey Governor James McGreevey (yes, that is his official portrait above). Read it here. The day that McGreevey's tell-all book came out (snicker), AOL Cityguide featured a link to Fosco's post on both its "North Jersey" and "Washington DC" pages. See screen cap below:



That "Sexy Back?" link takes you right to moi. Well, I thought it was cool.

Most Validating: Fosco's review of a Diamanda Galas concert in Santa Cruz (which you can read here). The review got picked up by the official Diamanda Galas website and is prominently featured in the Press page on that site. Now if only I can get Matthew Barney to read some of my reviews of his work...

Hungriest Readers: for several weeks last summer, Fosco was eating at San Francisco restaurants recommended by perpetually chirpy chefette Rachael Ray. Read Fosco's reviews of Chow and Bocadillos. Fosco's reviews were included in the weekly "RR Roundup" conducted by the surprisingly charming blog Everything Rachael Ray. For those two weeks, Fosco got an interesting mix of new readers and he enjoyed the chance to scandalize Rachael Ray lovers with references to Lindsay Lohan's vagina.

That's probably enough self-congratulation for now, so allow me to say "Thank You" to all of you who read Fosco Lives! You have made the first six months a hoot and I look forward to the next six.

Friday, January 05, 2007

Back to School: Facing West from California's Shores

OK, I'm done blogging about The Accident (barring new developments). That's because school's back on. This is going to be a seriously academic quarter for Fosco: no teaching, three seminars, a seriously cool Foucault reading group.

I've only been to one seminar so far, but it reminded me of one of the reasons that I like UCSC. Look at this seminar room:

Where else can you talk about literature while staring at a stand of majestic redwoods? Well, except for other colleges/universities where redwoods grow.

Interestingly, on Day 1 in my American Renaissance seminar, we read a charming little poem by prancing homo Walt Whitman. I wasn't familiar with it, but it's kinda fun:

Facing West from California's Shores

Facing west from California's shores,
Inquiring, tireless, seeking what is yet unfound,
I, a child, very old, over waves, towards the house of maternity,
the land of migrations, look afar,
Look off the shores of my Western sea, the circle almost circled;
For starting westward from Hindustan, from the vales of Kashmere,
From Asia, from the north, from the God, the sage, and the hero,
Long having wander'd since, round the earth having wander'd,
Now I face home again, very pleas'd and joyous,
(But where is what I started for so long ago?
And why is it yet unfound?)


Of course, Whitman never actually made it to California, but that makes it more interesting, no?

Mental Health Minute with Count Fosco

I've recently been enjoying the anonymous blog entitled (with economical precision) "blog." The spectral blogger has pointed me in the direction of a strange little quiz, which helps you to determine which historical lunatic is most similar to you. I recommend it.

I'm William John Cavendish-Bentinck-Scott, the Fifth Duke of Portland!
Which Historical Lunatic Are You?
From the fecund loins of Rum and Monkey.

Here's an excerpt from the description of "me" as the 5th Duke of Portland:

Having inherited the stately home of Welbeck Abbey, you proceeded to construct miles of underground tunnels and a ballroom, in pink, beneath it. The ballroom was complete except for one small detail. It had no floor. Despite this vast home, you lived exclusively in a suite of five rooms, each one also pink.

Having been turned down by your opera singer objet d'amour, Adelaide Kemble, in your youth, you suffered a broken heart and never married. This did not stop you from caring deeply about the wellbeing of your servants. Occasionally you would even help them muck out the stables. However, you did not neglect discipline, forcing disobedient underlings to skate themselves to exhaustion on your subterranean skating rink. Servants were given strict instructions regarding conduct: if they met you in a corridor, they were to ignore your existence while you froze to the spot until they were out of sight; and a chicken was to be kept roasting at all times in case you felt like sneaking into the kitchen for a snack.


To tell the truth, I have started "freezing" recently when people walk by me. Maybe it's a good thing that school is starting again--it helps to calm the mad.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

CHOMP!

Fosco got a bill today from the Community Hospital of the Monterey Peninsula, where Fosco was taken after The Accident two weeks ago (exactly two weeks ago, come to think of it). Strangely enough, Fosco still isn't too into car crash jokes, but he did laugh a little over this bill. As it appears that Fosco's insurance will be covering the entire bill (fingers crossed!), he feels free to enjoy the dark humor here.

  • perhaps my favorite part of the whole thing is that the Community Hospital of the Monterey Peninsula reduces to the acronym CHOMP. And that's their website: www.chomp.org. Seriously. What are the chances I could get the hospital to start using an exclamation point after their name? CHOMP! I like it.

    In other news, apparently CHOMP (in addition to the hospital and the mouth behavior) is also some sort of math game that involves a poisoned chocolate bar. But that's math and therefore is inherently uninteresting, even with the inclusion of the words poison and chocolate.

  • The letter to Fosco begins with the following sentence:

    Thank you for choosing Community Hospital of the Monterey Peninsula for your healthcare needs.

    I recognize that this is a form letter, but I still think it's a little funny to consider my "choice" in the matter. After all, at the time of my "choice," I was disoriented and strapped to a backboard in an ambulance heading toward whatever hospital was the closest. And besides, if I had had a "choice" in the matter, I think I would have chosen to go to that one sexy hospital on Grey's Anatomy. I've never watched it, but I think Patrick Dempsey works there and he's cute.

  • Can you guess the total bill for an afternoon in the ER with several CT scans? Take your first guess and add $3000-$5000 to it and you'll be about right.

  • Apparently (to judge by the itemized bill), Fosco was given 2 mg of hydromorphone in his IV. He remembers this and the delightful sense of well-being and reduced pain that it brought. Maybe that's because, according to Wikipedia, "it is one of the most potent of all prescription narcotics" and goes under the trade name Dilaudid. SWEET! Sadly, those 2 mg of happy cost exactly $377.60. OUCH!

  • My favorite part of the whole thing? Right before I left the ER to climb into a waiting taxi for the 45 mile ride back to Santa Cruz (and believe me, it was hellish), I begged for a painkiller for the road (the hydromorphone had worn off). I was given a Percocet tablet (I refuse to imagine the drive back without that Percocet tab). The cost of that Percocet tab? $31.80

    Clearly something is awry with healthcare in this country (and not just at CHOMP!).
On the whole, Fosco is basically well-satisfied with his treatment at CHOMP! (although he might have liked a longer-lasting Percocet prescription). Of course, he's never going within 30 miles of Monterey again (but that's not the fault of CHOMP!).

CHOMP! Somebody stop me. CHOMP!

[Disclaimer 1: I'm just having some fun in this post, of course. I fully recognize that the cost for each item/service on the itemized bill includes more than just the item/service. There is clearly also labor, overhead, etc. that drives up the prices for the $32 Percocets. Clearly, hospitals don't bill like mechanics (parts + labor separately). But maybe they ought to?]

[Disclaimer 2: No, I don't know how I received mail on a National Day of Mourning. I guess the bill had been sitting in my mailbox from the end of last week. Come to think of it, I didn't check my mail on Saturday.]

Monday, January 01, 2007

Slogan 2007

For years, my friends and I have had a tradition: we give each New Year a rhyming slogan to help guide us in our lives in the year ahead. Every year, there are many difficult decisions to face and our yearly slogans can sometimes make these decisions a little bit easier. Here are some slogans from previous years:

  • "Lose the 'tude in 2002." And let me assure you that 2002 did have measurably less attitude than previous years.
  • "Blow out your knee in 2003." Frankly, I'm not sure why we chose that one. I'm also not sure why my friend Adam decided to put it into action.
  • "Be a whore in 2004." That was a fun year.
  • "Begin to tithe in 2005." That year's slogan was brought to you by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
  • Let's just say that the slogan in 2006 began with "Suck more..." I think you can figure the rest out for yourself. I fear I might not have lived up to it.
So let's unveil the slogan for this year... [drumroll]

"Stairway to heaven in 2007."

And what on earth could that mean? I have no idea. But don't say it backwards, or you will be worshipping Satan.

All I know is that it is really hard to rhyme "seven."

Fosco's New Year

Because of The Accident, Fosco's New Year's Eve plans were a bit less adventurous than usual (NSFW, but a must-see as it is very strange). Fosco's family is still in town, so he spent the evening sitting at home making fun of things with his sister, Maggie Tulliver.

What did we do?

  • watched the series finale of Arrested Development. And although I hate to say it, while AD may not have the narrative drive and suspense of a drama like Veronica Mars, it is actually a better show.
  • watched Bollywood trailers on the internet.
  • discovered that Mormon cinema is called "Mollywood." Here's a description of one of those Mormon films: "Sons of Provo (2004). Mockumentary about an LDS boy-band named Everclean." It sounds kind of funny, but I'm sure the Mormons found some way to prevent that. Ugh, Mormons.
  • discovered the Jollywood Moving Picture Co., which appears to be some sort of training project for teens with video cameras. Here's a sentence (from a description of one of their films) that made my sister and me laugh heartily for almost 10 minutes: " The movies [sic] style was influenced by the mockumentary "Dog Show" starring Eugene Levy." I love that sentence so much.
  • watched the musical numbers from Moulin Rouge!.
  • and finally, as midnight approached, we couldn't bear to count down with either Ryan Seacrest or Carson Daly (they make our eyes bleed, they do). Instead, we did the countdown en español on Univision.
How's that for an exciting New Year's Eve?

If you want to read about a productive/party-filled NYE, visit Ted. He spent time at some place called "The Hole," which practically makes me tingle with curiosity.

Sunday, December 31, 2006

Year in Discoveries: 2006

I love this list: the things that Fosco discovered in 2006 that gave the year its identity. Of course, many of these things were actually not new in 2006--just new to Fosco. With that in mind, let's tour Fosco's 2006 discoveries...

  • Arrested Development: Fosco watched all three seasons on DVD during his recuperation from The Accident. I don't want to exaggerate (or to come across as a pussy), but I think that without this series, I would have been crying most of that first week.

    I've always loved Jason Bateman--ever since as a young queer boy, I crushed hard on him as the lead in the short-lived It's Your Move. I think I even bought a novelization of an episode of that show from the elementery school book club--remember those? But it's not just Bateman that makes AD (as the Kids call it) brilliant: the entire cast is superb and the writing is funnier than anything I've seen on TV, INCLUDING The Simpsons (which is not easy for me to admit...). I mean, this is the show that featured guest appearances from Liza Minelli as a sex-starved widow with vertigo. And then there are the words and phrases that I can't stop repeating to my sister: nevernudes, Bob Loblaw's Law Blog, Motherboy, the dizzies, Anne Paul Veal, "Marry Me."

    At this point, there is no question that this is the best television series to air in the first decade of the 21C. There, I said it.

  • Illinois by Sufjan Stevens: released in 2005, but Fosco didn't start listening to it until the beginning of 2006. It became particularly important to Fosco in November of this year (and, in fact, he is listening to it as he writes this). While Sufjan's Michigan disc was high-quality (and captivated Fosco because of home-state pride), Illinois is truly exceptional. How is it possible to write an achingly beautiful song about the life of John Wayne Gacy? Or a jaunty bluegrass ode to Decatur? Oh, and did I mention that he's hot?

  • In-N-Out Burger: the West Coast institution, praised extravagantly by Fosco here.

  • Kathy Griffin: I know, I know... This is so cliche: a homosexual who likes Kathy Griffin? Shocking. But, to tell the truth, I never really cared about her until I watched her My Life on the D-List. She's really so appealing and down-to-earth. And she tells such funny stories about Anna Nicole Smith and Gay Gaykin and his Gay-Mates.

  • blogs: As 2006 was the year that Fosco launched this little project he likes to call Fosco Lives!, blogs were clearly an important influence on him this year. But which blogs? Almost every morning, Fosco gets his niche news from several outposts of the Nick Denton Empire, including Deadspin, Defamer, and Gawker. And Fosco never travels somewhere without researching Gridskipper for tips on where the cool kids hang out.

    More importantly for Fosco and Fosco Lives! however, are two personal blogs: Ted Gideonse's The Gideonse Bible and John Mackey's blog at OstiMusic. These two blogs have served as inspirations for what Fosco Lives! can be and I read them religiously (which is really the only way to read a Bible). Merci, gentleman for a great year of blogging.

  • John McPhee on geology: his Pulitzer-Prize-winning Annals of the Former World served as Fosco's guidebook as he drove from Michigan to Santa Cruz along I-80 this summer, stopping along the way to pick up rocks. You can read about Fosco's adventures along the way in the Fosco Lives! Archives here and here.

  • "The Nietzsche Family Circus": I have literally spent hours on this website this fall. It cheers me up whenever I'm down. Who would have thought that pairing a random Nietzsche aphorism with a random "Family Circus" cartoon would be the best thing ever? I've permalinked to some of my favorites here, here, and here. Oh God, I'm laughing too hard...

  • Matthew Barney's Drawing Restraint 9: Fosco saw this art film three times, despite it running three-ish hours. Do yourself a favor and watch the trailer. Then read Fosco's earlier review.

  • Lindsay Lohan and her vulva (SFW). First, I would like to explain why I refuse to participate in the popular convention of referring to pictures like these (NSFW) as pix of Lindsay Lohan's vagina. I may be a homosexual who hasn't touched a woman's vagina in like five years (or so), but I did take Health Class in Junior High and I think what we are looking at is actually Lindsay Lohan's vulva.

    Whatever we are looking at, I'm pretty compelled by it. Not the vulva per se, but the idea that a popular teen star would regularly flash her privates to the paparazzi. This plus her drinking problems, her barely literate emails, and her strange belief that she will be aided by Al Gore, make her the most fascinating case of pub(l)ic self-destruction I've seen. Britney (NSFW) is a total amateur compared to Lindsay. The way I see it, Lindsay is one marriage to a homosexual (does she know Clay Aiken?) away from becoming the Judy Garland of this generation. And I can't wait to see what degradation is yet to come!

Year in Music: 2006

I think it would be better not to embarass myself too much by admitting my too-mainstream taste in non-classical music. Other than my complete obsession with Sufjan Stevens (which I've noted in almost every post in the past week), I would make a top ten list with a truly pathetic amount of emo on it. So I'm not going to do that.

Non-Sufjan disc of the year? Two words: Black Parade.

There, I've said it and I'm thoroughly ashamed.

Year in Books: 2006

It's the last day of 2006: let the Listmania begin! Let's start with the year in books:

Best: Special Topics in Calamity Physics. No surprise here. The long-time reader of Fosco Lives! knows that Fosco loved this book. Haters need not reply.

Second Best: Twilight of the Superheroes. Sometimes Fosco thinks that he is one of the last 100 readers in the world of short story collections. In the past, he has had a fraught relationship with the short stories of Deborah Eisenberg. Not anymore: four of the six stories in this collection are masterpieces.

Best Cover: Icelander. McSweeney's books are almost always beautifully designed. You can't really get a sense of this cover from the picture (because there's glitter embedded in it!). Good cover.

Biggest Disappointment: Against the Day. Fosco was so looking forward to this novel--for months! After all, Pynchon's previous novel, Mason & Dixon, instantly became one of Fosco's five favorite books ever. So you can imagine Fosco's disappointment to discover that Pynchon's new novel is... terrible. I mean really bad. (True-blue Pynchon fans shouldn't bother to accuse me of misunderstanding on this one: I've read every word he's ever written and I understand the virtues of Pynchon. This novel just doesn't contain most of them.)

Second Biggest Disappointment: The Keep. How did this book make the cover of the NYT Book Review? Did the reviewer only read the first half? And why can't Jennifer Egan write a good second half of a book?

Book I Keep Forgetting That I Read: Trance. Huh. Apparently this book came out in 2005. But pretty much everything about this book is news to me anyway.

Book I Started and Never Finished: Icelander. Fosco loves Iceland and so this well-reviewed book should have been a slam-dunk. But he only made it through page 11, to the end of the descriptions of the characters in the novel: a character list which included "Philip Leshio" and "Constance Lingus" (wait for it...). After he read these names, Fosco thought to himself: "Do I really need to read this?" The answer was no.

Book I Probably Should Have Read: The Emperor's Children. I heard it was good.

Well-Reviewed Book I Have No Intention of Ever Reading: Absurdistan. I don't care if the NYTimes Book Review editor knocks on my door and begs me to read this novel. I won't. I read the excerpt in The New Yorker and I hated it. As far as I can tell, this book is like Borat for highbrows.

Book Everyone Hated That I Liked: This Book Will Save Your Life. Maybe most readers found the title to promise a bit too much. I've always had a soft spot in my heart for A.M. Homes and maybe that's why I was willing to accept the emotional resonance of this novel.

Friday, December 29, 2006

Thanks for the presents, Satan! Er, Santa.

It's been eleven days since some moronic teen bimbo named Mica totaled Fosco's car with her whoremobile. The days without Percocet are starting to run together, which I guess is a good thing. Although, the ribs are still smarting and Fosco generally prefers his ribs with a nice Memphis dry rub.

I've been sitting on that joke for five days now and, in retrospect, I think I could have sat on it a bit longer.

But despite the best efforts of Mica, Christmas still came for Fosco and he got some loot. He was trying to decide whether or not to catalogue some of his favorite gifts on this blog, so he ended up asking himself WWJMD (aka, "What Would John Mackey Do?") And, fondly remembering JM's photo essays of collector's watches, Fosco realized that a brief list of Christmas presents could be enjoyable to one or two readers... So here are a few of Fosco's favorite gifts (one or two of which he purchased for himself) from his recent Percocet Christmas:

  • the Christmas box set from Sufjan Stevens. Fosco loves him. Loves him.
  • a fancy clay cleansing mask from Anthony: Logistics for Men. I think it will be a very enjoyable and useful skin care treatment, but to be completely honest, my favorite part of this gift is that there is a company (Anthony) selling skin care products as "Logistics for Men." Check out the website: it's like a cache of classified documents. Finally, a CIA dossier that Fosco can trust...
  • the hospitality book I Like You by the one Sedaris I like.
  • a gorgeously-framed Japanese movie poster for Matthew Barney's Cremaster 3 (my favorite Cremaster film!) that my lovely sister, Maggie Tulliver, bought from Tokyo. She's so brilliant at gifts.
  • A sampler of fancy artisan cheeses from Cowgirl Creamery. Mmm. I had tasted one of them as part of my very first experience with the "cheese course" at my fancy birthday dinner last summer at Tru in Chicago.
  • a personal seal (a seal, not a seal nor a Loose Seal/Lucille, silly!), with sealing wax from the Pirate Supply Store at 826 Valencia. Maybe now I will write you a letter!
  • and a bunch of schoolish-related books, including Alain Badiou's Being and Event. Trust me on this one: Badiou is the next big thing. Get off the Levinas bandwagon--that ship has sailed.
I hope that Satan was generous to all of you as well! Hail Satan!

Thursday, December 28, 2006

A day without Percocet is like a day without no pain.

Yesterday was Fosco's second day without a Percocet. It was also the eighth day since The Accident. What progress can be reported?

Well, for one thing, the royal purple of Fosco's bruises has faded in some areas, replaced with a yellow most frequently associated with liver failure. Oh, and as it is now possible for him to actually palpate his bruises and broken ribs without screaming, allow Fosco to report that there is apparently a two-inch thick tube of hardened, congealed blood running through his torso, exactly in the shape of a shoulder harness and seat belt. How charming! Let's hope that it sticks around, as Fosco would love to explain it to his next trick at The Watergarden. (Oh wait, there's no going back there for a long, long time--there are still those shaved EKG spots that need to grow back in...)

Are you getting a sense of Fosco's mood? It's a bit dark, like some of that fancy unrefined Spanish chocolate Fosco bought for his mother this Christmas. How dark is that mood? Just ask the blonde whore hostess at El Palomar who Fosco felt the barely-controllable urge to punch in the face this evening. But don't get the wrong idea about Fosco. He's not a misogynist (or even much of a misanthrope)--he's just in pain.

Wait, did I just describe Fosco or Dr. Gregory House? Tune in Tuesday nights at 9 (8 Central) and see for yourself!

On the other hand, Fosco's powers of concentration have returned enough to allow him to read half of the 19th-century French Satanist novel that he picked up at Logos last night. What is it about the French and Satanists? Did you know that Dickens never wrote one novel about Satanism? Not one! I'll have to check the biographies, but I'm pretty sure he never even planned one! So what was in the water in 19C Paris?

Here's another good sign (besides Fosco's newfound interested in nineteenth-century French Satanism): Fosco did manage to spend a peaceful half hour (and nearly $200) browsing through The Literary Guillotine with his sister before dinner. (These brief daily bookstore/food outings are entirely her idea, for the benefit of Fosco's mental health. However, after the whole "Palomar hostess debacle", I'm not sure Fosco's sister is going to be eager to try another one tomorrow.)

As Fosco's physical body is most likely going to spend its New Year's Eve on the couch (maybe there are more 19C French Satanist novels!), his bloggy persona has some blog-related pyrotechnics planned instead. Watch this space as Fosco prepares to wrap up the year in style!

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Post-Percocet Malaise

Yesterday was Day 1 without Percocet, and it wasn't pretty. After an afternoon of failed attempts to read and teary recriminations, Fosco's sister Maggie Tulliver finally dragged him reluctantly out of the apartment toward downtown. Of course, half the restaurants on Pacific Ave. were still closed for the holiday and there was some sort of monsoon going on. We figured our best bet for cheering me up up would be a heart-warming holiday film like Mel Gibson's Eucalypto.

I guess it was okay, but I am confused on two points:

  • which one of the characters was supposed to be Jesus?
  • and which actress was Rigoberta Menchu?
But seriously...

Actually, we went to Logos and I bought a bunch of books (books that, ironically, my pain and medication withdrawal make it impossible for me to concentrate on).

Monday, December 25, 2006

Ideologies of Christmas

As Fosco attempts to come to terms with his threefold Christmas disappointment (1. no well-hung boyfriend from Santa, 2. only one more Percocet, and 3. ONLY ONE MORE PERCOCET, DID YOU HEAR ME? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! MY RIBS, MY RIBS!), he turns his thoughts to the meaning of Christmas.

Alas, Christmas is entirely meaningless. The word has become what Slavoj Žižek calls a "master signifier": a word like "God" or "nation" or "democracy" that no longer means anything. Rather, these are the terms that everyone tries to make mean something--words that we all attempt to fix in support of our projects and desires. Or, more sinisterly, this is where ideology gets quilted into language.

Today, as a good Victorianist, I thought I might want to read Dickens's A Christmas Carol, something I'm not sure I've ever actually done. Of course I know the story--after all, like all good ironists, I've been mocking it for years. And, when you think about it, it is actually maybe a bit impressive that the story has managed to survive all of the creative violence that has been done to it over the years, from Kelsey Grammer as Scrooge in A Christmas Carol: The Musical to Duran Duran's John Taylor as the Ghost of Christmas Present in "A Diva's Christmas Carol".

But I'm not going to use this post to tell you that you should read the Dickens original (although you should--it's much better than you think). Rather, I was struck by a line from Scrooge's nephew in the book, when he tries to describe Christmas to his uncle. He says:

I am sure I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round--apart from the veneration due to its sacred name and origin, if anything belonging to it can be apart from that--as a good time: a kind, forgiving, charitable, pleasant time: the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely, and to think of people below them as if they really were fellow-passengers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys.

Of course, it is pretty easy to make fun of this speech (and a thirteen-year-old should have all of the ironic tools to do so) and not much harder to tease out the problematic ideologies in it (both implicit and explicit). But, the more I think about this ideology of solidarity, the less I find it worth the time to object to. As ideologies go, this one is maybe one of the better ones--certainly better than anything Pope Gremlinus the Magnificent had to offer us today (N.B., Don't get the Pope wet! Don't feed him after midnight!)

So, even if Christmas doesn't actually mean anything, I would like to persuade you to make it mean something--and to make that something gentle and life-affirming. I hope that any of you who celebrated Christmas today did so in a way that made life seems a little more pleasant--both for you and for anyone else in your life. And because this whole post may just be the last Percocet talking, please forgive Fosco his brief foray into sentimentality. The cynical Fosco will be back tomorrow and will probably be in some serious rib pain, which should make for some great blogging.

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Boyfriend in my stocking

I'm pretty sure that Santa is planning on bringing me a boyfriend this Christmas. I mean, after all, I haven't had one this year. And, I totally deserve one and stuff. Not to mention that I was in a horrible car accident last week (Mica, you WHORE!). So, clearly there should be a high-quality boyfriend in my stocking tomorrow morning.

Of course, the question then becomes "Which boyfriend?" Who should Santa bring me to massage my aching neck and to count out my remaining percocet (hint: not enough)? I would suggest that Santa use the following list as a place to start (although, if he must shop off list, I would take a Gyllenhaal, I suppose). Here are some options, in alphabetical order.

  • Gideon Defoe. Pros: a witty author of hilarious books about pirates (and everyone loves pirates!), kinda hunky in a British way, has a very sexy first name (and last name for that matter). Cons: is the kind of author that my more serious friends might giggle about behind his back, may have traditional British commitment phobia, may not be willing to move to Santa Cruz.

  • Dave Eggers. Pros: one of the most talented contemporary authors, committed to writing instruction for underprivileged youth, runs an independent pirate-supply store, friends with famous and influential literary types (including David Byrne), from the Midwest originally (like me!). Cons: painfully sensitive could equal high maintenance, may be a little too clever, did once try out to be on MTV's "The Real World," constant feeling of inadequacy that I am not funny enough to be dating him, currently lives in Brooklyn (I think).


  • Justin Hartley. Pros: plays "Green Arrow" on Smallville and plans to organize a Justice League, starred in the ill-fated Aquaman pilot (why is this a pro? how can you not love a man who has played TWO superheroes!), has a criminally-delicious torso, would be excellent arm-candy for Literature Department Holiday parties, luscious smile. Cons: ummm, dating an actor? It would be fun and sexy and all, but do you think we'll talk much about Heidegger? On the other hand, I would like to like all that hair on his chest...

  • David Lat. Pros: he was my college roommate and so we know each other well, we're both internet personalities (of one sort or another), we successfully tested our sexual compatibility during sophomore year. Cons: he's pretty weirdly conservative, and a lawyer, and won't reply to my emails. Also, he has this strange romantic fixation on closeted-sodomite Nino Scalia.

  • Alex Ross. Pros: he writes my favorite column for the New Yorker and does my favorite music blog, he's a graduate of my alma mater, he hangs out with Matthew Barney and Bjork, and he always has something intelligent to write. Cons: Hmmm. I'm a bit stumped here. Is it possible that we were meant to be the perfect couple? Alex Ross, will you marry me?


  • Sufjan Stevens. Pros: he's the darling of adult-contemporary-indie music, he lived only miles away from me in Holland, Michigan, his music is ambitious, brilliant, and moving, he's a total hunk and yet seems completely genuine. Cons: he seems to be some sort of silly born-again Christian. And that's basically a dealbreaker.

  • Jeff Samardzija. Pros: he may be the best wide receiver in Notre Dame history, his nickname is "Shark," he will be drafted by an NFL team next spring and has already been drafted by the Chicago Cubs baseball organization. Oh, and have you seen him? Oh my. Cons: there might be a smidgen of an age difference between us, it's hard to be professional athlete with a gay boyfriend, no one could spell our hyphenated surname.
I know it's only 7 pm (PST), but I'm going to bed--I can't wait to see which hunk is waiting for me in my stocking tomorrow morning!

Friday, December 22, 2006

SFMOMA Roundup: "There is a light that never goes out."

Last Friday, Fosco and his sister Maggie Tulliver spent an afternoon in San Francisco. Of course, there was a visit to Beard Papa for creampuffs (try the milktea flavor--it's splendid!) and to the Pirate Store (where much money was spent and where sister Maggie got mopped). But the highlight of the trip was the visit to the SFMOMA to see two exhibits.

The first exhibit we saw was the retrospective of recent work by German artist Anselm Kiefer, entitled Anselm Kiefer: Heaven and Earth. The organizing principle of the show is Kiefer's concerns with heaven, responsibility, and the afterlife. And, of course, because this is Kiefer, you can bet that there is collective German guilt in there as well.

I've always been a bit suspicious of Kiefer for several reasons. First, looking at his paintings always makes me wonder what kind of nightmare it is to curate his work. The paintings are so huge and so clumpy: how do you move them? Does stuff fall off? And what about all that lead? Does the curatorial staff have to wear hazmat suits? And isn't it all so heavy? And what to make of all the non-traditional materials in the paintings (e.g., straw, sunflower seeds, sticks)--aren't those things going to start to rot at some point?

The second reason that I can't quite catch Kiefer-fever is the overwhelming seriousness of his paintings. They are entirely irony-proof. I mean, how do you laugh at works that are so dark and that almost always make explicit reference to the Holocaust? All that German guilt is a big downer (and a bit heavy-handed).

That being said, I was surprised, however, at how powerful some of the work in this show was. There were actually several pieces that were absolutely ravishing, including Sternenfall (1995) (seen below):

There was also the amazing piece below, which is about six feet tall. Each page is coated with lead and depicts a different star field map. (Of course, there are conservation issues here too--there was a grey lead sheen all over the floor under this one).

The problem with these pictures is that they don't capture how gigantic these works are. Kiefer's paintings dwarf you--and that's often part of their power. There was a third work that was just gorgeous, but that I am only finding in a very low-quality image file online. It's called "The Sixth Trumpet" (1996) and you can see it below.

I'm afraid it doesn't look like much here, but imagine it in its true dimensions: 16 x 18 feet. At that size, the cloud of black dots look both beautiful and menacing. From a distance, you wonder what that cloud is: locusts? black rain? However, when you approach the canvas, you realize that the dots are black sunflower seeds--one of the more remarkable touches in Kiefer's work in this show.

Of course, there are still a few clunkers here. My least favorite was the painting you see below, entitled "Quaternity" (1973). You can see the traditional rustic cabin interior of Kiefer's early work, plus three flames and one serpent. Each of the flames is labeled with the name (in German) of one of the members of the Holy Trinity; the serpent is labeled as Satan, making the Trinity a Quaternity. Get it? Yeah, you and anyone with an IQ above a precocious ten-year-old. This painting isn't quite what I expect art to do for me...


However, it would be churlish to dwell too long on the shortcomings of this painting (and a few of its ilk) when much of Kiefer's recent work is much better. I may not have become a complete convert to Kiefer after this exhibit, but I did find several works of his that I love.

Luckily, the perfect anecdote to Kiefer's Teutonic Gloominess was taking place just one floor above, with an exhibit of new work by Phil Collins. Oops, I meant this Phil Collins. Collins's video installation, entitled dünya dinlemiyor (2005), is hilarious, sweet, and completely compelling. Basically, Collins has filmed young Turkish people in Istanbul doing karaoke to songs by The Smiths. They sing in English against generic backgrounds of "pretty scenery" (e.g., mountains, beaches, forests). Some are pretty good and some are pretty horrible. All of them are absolutely fascinating. I had intended only to watch one of the performances (because I hate karaoke), just to get the idea, but I ended up watching the entire hour. Sure, the performances raise questions of imperialism, consumerism, and globalization (how do these Turks know The Smiths? Why do they all seem to want to be rock stars?); however, this is the least interesting aspect of the work. Rather, it is extraordinarily thrilling to watch the self-presentations of these (mostly) youths--their joy and confidence are infectious, their vulnerability is heartbreaking. I feel that I know these people quite intimately (and yet, I know nothing about them).

Some of the highlights, include the tightly-focused young man (below) singing the gorgeous ballad "Asleep." His sensitivity and introspection were powerful.

I loved the two girls below, who sang "There Is a Light That Never Goes Out." The verses were performed competently, but it was the rush of enthusiasm that overtook them at the chorus that was priceless. Watching them sing "If a double-decker bus crashes into us..." was funny and charming.

There were two other performances not to be missed (but for which I cannot find pictures):

  • the incredibly sexy young man who performs "Ask" with his shirt entirely open (and who has beautifully hairy chest)--woof! Gaydar doesn't always work cross-culturally, but I have my eye on him...
  • the delightful indie chick who performs "Half A Person" with a completely startling voice (reminiscent of Edie Brickell) and a killer smile. If there is such a thing as "Turkish Idol," I think she could win it. [N.B., apparently the Turkish version is called "Popstar." Why does this not surprise me?]

If you want to get a better sense of what all this was like, I would hesitantly point you in the direction of this clip on YouTube. Unfortunately, it isn't the best performance from the installation, but it might give you an idea.

All I know is that, the whole way home, I sang along to Smiths songs. Apparently, that's all we need to bring the world together.