Thursday, December 11, 2008

"HO, HO, HO! Zach has Herpes."

Fosco used to have the biggest crush on girl-boy Taylor Hanson of the original tween-music-sensation-band Hanson. Taylor was just so beautiful in that androgy-twink kind of way (on the left on the CD cover to the right). When he sang "MMMBop," Fosco always melted (Taylor was always the real talent in that band). Fosco had a Hanson calendar and everything! Of course, that was all years ago, when Fosco was like, um, 25.

Of course, Fosco is all grown up now. And so is Taylor. He's got facial hair. He's had his home-school graduation. Heck, he's even married with four children! Yes, it seems that Taylor and his (loser!) wife just had their fourth child. They named the boy "Viggo" to join their other children: Ezra, River, and Penelope. Hmmm, at least none of them are named Trail, Dish, or Fang.

Actually, the most shocking part of the People Exclusive! is that the other Hanson brothers, Isaac and Zac, are also married--TO EACH OTHER! And, apparently, this very nontraditional couple has ADOPTED KIDS! Yes, it appears to be true:

The growing Hanson family also includes their cousins, Isaac and Zac's kids, Everett, 1, Shepherd, 6 months, and Monroe, 5 months.
No matter what the rest of the world says, Fosco wishes Isaac and Zac only the best for their relationship. I'm sure they're very much in love.

Because it's the Christmas season and Fosco is blogging about Hanson, he cannot resist pointing you in the direction of one of his favorite humorous essays by Jon Stewart. You can find the text of Stewart's "A VERY HANSON CHRISTMAS, 1996-1999" here. It's very short and completely hilarious. Stewart imagines the Hanson Christmas letters from three very eventful years. Fosco's favorite line has been used to title this blog post. Fosco's second favorite line?:
I still have more money than any of you will ever have in a lifetime of being paid by the government not to grow corn.
Merry Christmas, indeed, my friends.

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