Nebraska: Father Flanagan's Sodomy Camp

How could I write about Nebraska without mentioning Boys Town? Famous for the motto: "He ain't heavy, Father, he's my bottom."

I had wanted to drop in to ask if I could open a branch in Santa Cruz (to be named: "Count Fosco's Home for Wayward, Smooth, (and Legal) Youths"). Unfortunately, the organization requires girls to be admitted and, well, that seems a bit too complicated for me.

Not that I'm accusing Boys Town of running a network of Lord of the Flies-esque juvenile fight clubs in which the strongest and handsomest boys are recruited and funneled into the seedy underworld of gay porn and paid companionship. I've certainly never been told about this secret process by a high-ranking former employee of the organization. Keep up the good work, Boys Town.