Monday, January 05, 2009

Fosco's Alternate Blog Title

As mentioned in a recent comment, Fosco's friend The Queen BeeMistress prefers to parse the URL of this blog ( as "Fosc Olives." (For clarity, it is important to note that Fosc is not an actual cultivar or brand of olives and consequently, Fosco has incurred no unintended legal liability.) Well, the Queen and her BeeMaster apparently had a little time on their hands and they worked up this lovely gift:

This is great fun, of course, and much appreciated; however, there are a few thoughts that occur to Fosco when he looks at this label:

  • just to be perfectly clear, there is nothing "Extra Virgin" about Fosco. Dude, Fosco is like a male Lindsay Lohan! Or like a male David Duchovny! On the other hand, Fosco can be accurately described as "Crushed."
  • is there really such a thing as flavored olive oil? Apparently. Maybe Fosco should shop somewhere nicer than Save Mart. Or, more accurately, maybe Fosco should shop.
  • why is the sexy olive so much larger than the mandarin orange? Clearly, she is not normal olive-size, but gargantuan. And why does she have a pimiento? They don't put pimientos in olive oil, right?
  • and then there's the whole question of "sexy" food in the first place. Why is it a good idea to portray food not just as an object of sexual desire, but as a subject who can recognize and encourage that desire? I'm thinking here also of the sexy green M&M who creeps me out (even beyond the fact that Fosco tends to prefer male candies).

    Fosco has always questioned whether food advertisers should anthropomorphize their products because, when you think about it, it raises some uncomfortable issues of cannibalism. And then to go one step farther by making food products communicate sexual desire for us? Maybe Fosco is a bit squeamish, but he doesn't really want to attribute thoughts, feelings, and desires to his food. Food isn't really food anymore when it communicates. What's next? A hamburger that tells you the names of its children? A soda that cries over the death of its pet? A Hot Pocket that tells you he "likes it rough"? Eek.
See, BeeMaster and Mistress, this is why no one gives presents to Fosco anymore.


Anonymous said...

I just really like olives. Especially STUFFED with blue cheese and all WET in a martini.

Mmmmm...Stuffed wet olives throbbing with gin. Don't try that at home, kids!


Any sexual innuendos are solely the property of the commenter, and are certainly not endorsed by Fosc Olives. :-)Fosco is good and wholesome and not motivated by the baser desires by food advertising.

Too bad.

Anonymous said...

...clearly the Fosco may need to check the term "sexy" if he thinks that of this olive... and Lindsay Lohan has done more than Oz, Fosco, and his colleagues all together... in fact Fosco is lucky she has not DONE his colleagues and Oz (ew.)