Thursday, January 08, 2009

Like the shark, the panda has millions of teeth.

Sometimes the world just makes you smile:

Gu Gu the panda has struck again, mauling someone who jumped a barrier to retrieve a child's toy, in his third attack on a visitor at the Beijing zoo.


The 240-pound (110-kilogram) Gu Gu bit the intruder's legs and refused to let go until zookeepers pried his jaws open with tools.


The Beijing News said the latest victim suffered damage to major ligaments and is recovering from surgery.
It's so hard to choose the best part of this story. Is it that the panda clamped his jaws on the victim and wouldn't let go? Is it that the victim has major ligament damage? Is it that this is the panda's third attack on a visitor? Or is it that the vicious panda's name is Gu Gu?

Fosco has been saying for years that pandas are nature's perfect killing machines, but no one has been listening (to be honest, Fosco has mostly been saying this to his stuffed panda, Baby Bamboo). But, in any case, this story is a good opportunity for everyone to learn a bit more about pandas.

Which brings me to the long-canceled MTV show "Sifl and Olly." This was that show with the sock puppets that sometimes showed videos and did comedy skits. In Fosco's opinion, it was one of the funniest shows ever on television, mainly because of its pure random silliness. One of its best recurring jokes was the strange panda-masked man. Fosco hadn't seen these skits in probably ten years, but here they are (just as funny as ever). If you've never seen "Sifl and Olly," do yourself a favor and watch these clips.

The Panda Interview:

The panda has a very lot of mysterious qualities!

The Panda Song:

The pandas are coming.
So hide under your bed.
The pandas are coming.
They'll rip your ass to shreds!

I don't know about you, but I'm drunk on panda mystery.


m said...

There are no words on Earth to describe how much I totally loathe pandas. What completely useless animals: they can't figure out how to mate even when shown panda porn and they only eat one kind of plant rendering migrating to safer or warmer places impossible.

Honestly, they are the one and only animal that I can't wait to see go extinct.

FOSCO said...

What? But aren't they insanely cute? And doesn't their bumbling nature make them more adorable?

Hate pandas? No one hates pandas! Not even Hitler hated pandas!

m said...

I can actually handle being worse than Hitler.

FOSCO said...

You know who else hates pandas? Sarah Palin. Now how do you feel?

todd said...

You would think she would like them given their reluctance to have sex. But, no.

FOSCO said...

@Todd: Yeah, but for Sarah Palin it's not about being too lazy to have sex; rather, it's about waiting for True Love.
Just like she and Todd... oh wait.
Well, just like Bristol and Levi... oh wait.
Well, just like the approximately 5000 pregnant Alaska teens in 2006... oh wait.
Hmmm. I'm starting to see a trend.