It's Christmas In Your Ears!

Maybe it's the threat of theapproaching meltdown of our entire society, but Fosco is kinda getting into the Christmas spirit this year. And you can too, if only you listen to some good Christmas music. To that end, Fosco has chosen ten great Christmas songs.

[N.B.: all of these tunes are available on iTunes!]

• "Once in Royal David's City" performed by Sufjan Stevens. Stevens's box set of five Christmas EPs is the gold standard for contemporary indie-pop holiday music, including both traditional and newly-written songs. It's hard to choose a fave from this box set, but Fosco is really drawn to the somewhat obscure carol "Once in Royal David's City." The box set includes two versions: one with full-band and vocals and one solo piano. It's a beautiful song either way. And be sure to listen to the other tracks.
  
• "Christmas for Cowboys" by Jars of Clay. It hurts Fosco to put this one on his list. He hates Christian rock, especially when Christian rock acts try to "cross over" onto the secular charts (like that bitch Amy Grant!). And Jars of Clap Clay definitely attempted the crossover in the mid-1990s (and Fosco neither forgives nor forgets). However, all that being said, this is a really great Christmas song. Fosco has a soft spot for the cliches of cowboy life (loneliness, wide open spaces, etc.) and this song serves them all up with a hearty side of Christmas gravy (yum!). In my head, the video for this song features Jake and Heath.
  
• "Coventry Carol" performed by Allison Moyet. A Christmas classic performed by one of the great voices.
  
• "Wonderful Christmastime" performed by Tom McRae. You know this song as written and performed by Paul McCartney. Like most of Macca's music, it's cheesy and chirpy and impossible to banish from your head. I hate it (and so does Todd, I know). But McRae's stripped-down, melancholy version completely changes things for me. It turns out that a really good song was buried under all that synth.
  
• "Ho Ho Hopefully" by The Maine. There aren't a lot of good new Christmas songs being written now, but this is one of them. It's not overly cheerful. But it's also cautiously hopeful. Which seems to be about the right attitude these days. In fact, Fosco is willing to recommend the entire holiday EP (available on iTunes) from this band.
  Oh, and the chorus has killer harmony:
  

  Ho ho hopefully this holiday will make us believe that
  We're exactly where we're supposed to be
  And we're ho ho hoping that
  We all come back and as a matter of fact I know
  We're exactly where we're supposed to be
  Together by this Christmas tree

  Aw, shucks.
  
• "Carol of the Bells" performed by The Bird and the Bee. Another classic carol, reworked into an electronic bonbon.
  
• "Yule Shoot Your Eye Out" by Fall Out Boy. This one goes out to all of you who plan to spend Christmas hating your ex. A great chorus:
  

  Don't come home for Christmas
  You're the last thing I wanna see
  Underneath the tree
  Merry Christmas, I could care less

  Fosco saw them perform this one live a few days before Christmas in 2006.
  
• "All That I Want" by The Weepies (you have to follow the link and shake the snowglobe!). Fosco heard this song last holiday season when it was the centerpiece of the JCPenney television campaign. It is such a good song that Fosco listens to it during the year!
  
• "Last Christmas" by Wham!. Yes, this is an old song. It's also one of the most frequently covered contemporary Christmas songs. Fosco particularly enjoys the covers by Jimmy Eat World and Ashley Tisdale. However, Fosco was recently surprised to find that the original is actually the best version out there. Granted, the '80s synths sound a little dated, but George Michael's voice makes this song.
  
• "There Are Much Worse Things to Believe In" performed by Elvis Costello and Stephen Colbert. Fosco is happy to recommend any of the songs from Stephen Colbert's Christmas Special (especially the Willie Nelson song "Little Dealer Boy"). However, Fosco thinks this song stands above the others for clever writing--both lyrics and music. Fosco thinks this is actually a song that could enter the Christmas canon. In it, Stephen makes a good case for Christmas spirit compared to the many worse things one could believe in:
  

  There are cynics, there are skeptics
  There are legions of dispassionate dyspeptics
  Who regard this time of year as a maudlin insincere
  Cheezy crass commercial travesty of all that we hold dear.
  When they think that
  Well, I can hear it
  But I pity them their lack of Christmas spirit
  For in a world like ours, take it from Stephen
  There are much worse things to believe in.

  And with that sentiment, Fosco advises you to listen to some Christmas music.

I'm over Obama.

So Barry O has chosen Bear icon Rick Warren to pray at the Inaug. I suppose this isn't a huge surprise, except to those of us who briefly confused the word "progressive" with the word "pragmatist." Realistically, same-sex marriage is still seen as an issue on which it is possible for reasonable people to disagree and Barry is certainly making a fetish of "disagreeing without being disagreeable." Barry is sharp and he knows the best way to "govern from the center" is to kick the gays in the crotch. It's probably the right move politically.

For those of you who don't know, Rick Warren heads the Bareback MegaChurch in SoCal. He's written some book (about marine biology, I think) called The Porpoise Driven Life. He was an outspoken (and mendacious) supporter of Prop H8. Apparently, Rick Warren is some kind of "new evangelical" who is willing to take on climate change and global poverty. That's fine with me, as far as it goes. I guess that's an improvement over some evangelicals.

But at some point, wouldn't it be nice to see the words "new" or "change" applied to a movement that doesn't have the "same" "old" attitude toward the gays?

I can see your death...

Everything about America is now best expressed using a red and blue map, even your risk of dying from a natural hazard. For the purposes of this map, a natural hazard is anything weather- or geology-related (tornado, flood, earthquake, rockslide, snowstorm, Jim Cantore, etc.) Or, if you live in Kentucky, a natural hazard is what God sends to punish the gays. Either way, your risk of dying in one can be calculated (especially if you are gay--okay, not really).

At any rate, scientists have done the work (so you don't have to!) and have produced the following "death map":

Just as on any recent political map you've seen, blue is good and red is bad. The blue counties are counties in which people are less likely than average to die of a natural disaster. The red counties are more likely than average. The white counties are average. Gets it?

A few noteworthy observations:

• The lovely Bay Area is a big blue splotch (including Santa Cruz). What that says is that, even with our earthquakes, we're still outliving the rest of y'all.
  
• There is further evidence that Utah sucks.
  
• Getting stabbed by a smack-addicted tranny hooker is apparently not a natural hazard, because Las Vegas is a white county.
  
• Alaska and Hawaii are not included because neither state has ever reported a death from natural hazard (although that Greg Brady surfing incident was a close call).
  
• Arkansas is almost completely red, presumably because ATV accidents often involve some natural component (e.g., tree branches, dirt ramps, ponds, raccoons).
  

You may now plan the rest of your life accordingly.

From the Annals of Delayed Warnings

There was a pretty large-scale vandalism attack last night at UCSC, with all kinds of nasty stuff. The culprits remain unknown, but (sadly) there are plenty of possible suspects, including

• former tree-sitters
  
• animal rights terrorists
  
• disgruntled deer
  

Luckily, however, the UCSC Public Affairs Office wants to keep the campus community safe. Well, sort of.

From the warning email sent out to the campus community today:

A number of acts of vandalism occurred on campus early this morning, including broken windows, damage to UCSC vehicles, and graffiti.
[...]
In addition to these acts of vandalism, a number of "road spikes" were found on Meyer Drive. UCSC Police have inspected campus roads and believe they have found all of these spikes, which are designed to damage tires of moving vehicles. But they are urging members of the UCSC community and public at large to use extra caution while driving through campus.

Road spikes? Yikes! I'm glad the UCSC community received this warning.

EXCEPT... the warning email was sent at 4:45 PM. For those of you who are keeping track, that's approximately FIVE HOURS after Fosco drove through campus today (including Meyer Drive) to run several pre-vacation errands. Thanks for the heads up, though.

Your Santa Cruz Postcard

A RIDDLE
Q: How can you tell when it's winter in Santa Cruz?
A: The tropical flowers are still blooming.

Suck it, snowmonkeys!

Incoherent Ravings of a Nazi (Not Tom Cruise!)

It's like that Paula Abdul reality show--Fosco knows he shouldn't pay attention, but he cannot look away. That's how he feels about the whole neo-Nazi cake imbroglio which is churning the blogosphere today (even here at Fosco Lives!). Obviously, it's just not reasonable to get upset and spill so much (virtual) ink whenever some white trash troglodyte does something half-witted. And yet, there is just something about this story that makes Fosco want to try to work through it (again and again...).

Well, things got even more inexplicable today as little Adolf Hitler's father spoke to the national press. Some highlights:

"I think people need to take their heads out of the cloud they've been in and start focusing on the future and not on the past."

"There's a new president and he says it's time for a change; well, then it's time for a change."

"Yeah, they [the Nazis] were bad people back then. But my kids are little. They're not going to grow up like that."

"Other kids get their cake. I get a hard time. It's not fair to my children. How can a name be offensive?"

Maddening. I think it's pretty clear that this guy is not playing the same language game as the rest of us. I mean, there is absolutely no evidence of a semi-coherent worldview behind these statements. And by "semi-coherent worldview," I don't mean a logically-rigorous philosophy of life (who amongst us has that?); rather, I mean something more like an everyday understanding of reality. What is this guy? Some kind of schizophrenic? It's just so fascinating!

A Holly Jolly Christmas

Fosco knows that plastic is evil and dangerous and unsustainable, but at Christmastime it's also a bit cheery (and we all need some cheer...). And that's where Christmas figurines/knickknacks/tchotchkes/ornaments/decorations come in.

(BTW, if you want to see some really gorgeous Christmas knickknacks, check out this post on John Mackey's blog. Not only are his photos breathtaking, but we also have a great deal of taste overlap. John Mackey is who Fosco would be if he had a good camera and a steady hand. Alas.)

But anyway, Fosco wants to share with you his annual Christmas display (atop his Theory bookshelf). In case you're wondering, that giant white-ish glacier behind the figures is another row of books seasonally camouflaged with "snow."

Yes, it's the stars of the Rankin/Bass stop-motion animation Christmas special "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" (1964). For some reason (and it's not really the plot), this special has become a Gen X holiday touchstone, bringing ironic joy to millions of aging hipsters every holiday season.

Let's have some closeups:

That's abdominal abominable snowman Humble Bumble with aspiring homosexual dentist Hermey. You can see that Hermey has already defanged Humble Bumble.

Here we have famous polar explorer (and Bear icon) Yukon Cornelius. And yes, that's the snowman narrator, an ice-crystalled version of the legendary Burl Ives (who is holding both and umbrella and a banjo!). Oh, and that's some random elf nerd. I think he's the one who sexually abuses Hermey in Act I.

Finally, we have the stars of our show: Santa, Rudolph, and the polka-dotted Misfit Toy Elephant (were children in the '60s so unimaginative that a polka-dot elephant would have been a misfit?). Why isn't Rudolph's nose red, you ask? Because, as you may remember from the show, he covers it with dirt to make it look normal. And sure enough, this figurine actually has a black nose cover that can be removed to get to the red light-bulb nose (not pictured).

And for your enjoyment:

A (Hypothetical) New Addition to the Fosco Family

It's possible that Prop H8 isn't an entirely bad thing...

Now follow the logic here:

1. Once we allow same-sex couple to marry, then (as Fosco noted earlier) Fosco and his boyfriend Oz will want to get married.
   
2. And once we allow same-sex couples to get married, at some point gay couples are going to want to use advanced genetic engineering to make babies with each other.
   
3. And once that happens, it's only a matter of time until Fosco and Oz jump on the bandwagon and want to produce a child that is a genetic combination of them both.
   
4. And that leads inexorably to this:

Behold: the genetic combination of Fosco and Oz, as created on the website MakeMeBabies! (thanks, Mere, for the idea).

Of course, you may be forgiven for misrecognizing this as a baby photo of one of the Jackson Five (Marlon? Tito? Frito?). Is it just me, or does MakeMeBabies! think that either Fosco or Oz is Black?

At any rate, this horror-child must be avoided at all costs. And that's probably the best reason to support Prop H8.

Your Santa Cruz (Mountains) Postcard

From the Santa Cruz Sentinel:


Take that, South Bend.

Little Nazis Everywhere

See that kid? The first surprise is that he's a boy. The second surprise is that he's named Adolf Hitler. Consequently, the third surprise is not much of a surprise: he lives in a mobile home.

Sadly, this rural New Jersey (really?) toddler has come to the attention of America because the local supermarket refused to frost his name on a cake (apparently, the decorator didn't want the cake to end up on Cake Wrecks [UPDATE: Unbeknownst to Fosco, Cake Wrecks ran with this story yesterday and was sorry.]).

More interesting, of course, is the window on this trainwreck of an American family. Sadly, authorities allowed these people to have three kids:

JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell, Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell and Adolf Hitler Campbell.

Good names for a trio of toddlers? Heath and Deborah Campbell think so. The Holland Township couple has picked those names and the oldest child, Adolf Hitler Campbell, turns 3 today.

And yes, "Honszlynn Hinler" is not a typo. It's also not the name of a Nazi (as far as Fosco can tell). Were they trying for Himmler?

Skeptical? Luckily, the local paper also included a photo gallery showing the kids' birth certificates (as well as some of the decor at the Campbell home--yes, it's as bad as you think).

Hold on. Let's just stop for a minute. Where the fuck is Child Protective Services in New Jersey? How does this not qualify as child abuse? Fosco almost wants to call this one in himself.

Fosco estimates that young Adolf has about two or three more years before his upbringing turns him into a permanently-twisted, repulsive little monster. The clock is ticking, State of New Jersey...

If you like music...

In the last few years, Fosco has felt lost when it comes to new music. He just doesn't have a good source for music recommendations anymore (although some of his friends are frequently helpful). And so he was excited to see this SF Chronicle story:


On the face of it, this seems to be exactly what Fosco needs: a guide to the "hot artists of '08"! Even better, the article is organized with a "If you like X, then you'll like Y" format. That sounds helpful.

Turns out: it's not. Not helpful at all.

All you need to know about the lameness of this article can be summarized in the following excerpt:

If you like U2 'Achtung Baby' [...]
then try Coldplay 'Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends.'

If you like U2, try Coldplay? Oh, ok. Thanks. Never would have thought of that. This "Coldplay" sounds like a pretty obscure band. Any other advice for people who've been living on the moon for the past ten years?

That's like saying:
If you like Madonna then try Britney Spears.
If you like the Beatles then try Paul McCartney.
If you like Bob Dylan then try Bruce Springsteen.
If you like Michael Jackson then try Janet Jackson.

Idiot.

Your Africa Update

One of the things that Fosco learned this past academic quarter is that there is no excuse to ignore the Third World. As residents of the richest country on earth, we cannot pretend that our lifestyle has no relation to the rest of the world. Governor MooseMunch may not know that Africa is a continent, but the rest of us have no excuse. Recently, Fosco has begun to educate himself about Africa. In what will become a periodic feature here at Fosco Lives!, here is your Africa Update:

• Fosco has recently become very interested in Nigeria. The city of Lagos is one of the planet's most interesting (and most horrible) megacities. The best place to start your reading about Lagos is "The Megacity: Decoding the Chaos of Lagos" by George Packer from The New Yorker. A second accessible step would be the novel Graceland by Chris Abani. It's the story of a young Elvis impersonator trying to hustle a living in the contemporary slums of Lagos. The premise may seem too clever by half, but it's a surprisingly powerful novel. It's also written in English, which alleviates some of the potential translation problems.
  
  The recent political news from Nigeria? Strangely enough, their Supreme Court just ruled on the legitimacy of their 2007 presidential election (sound familiar?) in favor of the sitting president. President Yar'Adua plans to use this decision to consolidate his hold on power. Although Yar'Adua is apparently mildly anti-corruption (which, in Nigeria, is pretty remarkable), some observers still question the possibility of a clean Nigerian government. As Professor Yusufu Obaje notes:
  

  Any serious administration must address this issue of political illiteracy. As long as this is prevalent in our society, we cannot have free and fair election in Nigeria.

  Fosco is fascinated by this idea of political literacy--something that everyone seems to assume is prevalent in the US (probably more so than it is).
  
  Last Nigeria item: from naijablog, a video of "Ikotun, an unloved and anonymous part of Lagos."
  
  
  
  
• Welcome to Zimbabwe. Things here aren't very good right now. As you may have seen on the news, there is a widespread cholera outbreak. Zimbabwe's ruler, strongman Robert Mugabe is an absolute monster, but is he to blame for the cholera? Well, it depends. If you are a member of the reality-based community, the outbreak is clearly a result of the water and sanitation policies of Mugabe and his government. However, if you are a member of Mugabe's delusional government, then the cholera is actually a biological attack launched by either the British or the US State Department. This type of rhetoric would be funny, of course, if thousands of people weren't dying of an easily preventable disease.
  
  
• Finally, steel yourself to read about this recent massacre in the Congo. Sadly, this massacre has exposed the farce of UN peacekeeping efforts in the area:
  

  And yet, as the killings took place, a contingent of about 100 United Nations peacekeepers was less than a mile away, struggling to understand what was happening outside the gates of its base. The peacekeepers were short of equipment and men, United Nations officials said, and they were focusing on evacuating frightened aid workers and searching for a foreign journalist who had been kidnapped. Already overwhelmed, officials said, they had no intelligence capabilities or even an interpreter who could speak the necessary languages.

  Before you consign the Congo to memory oblivion, allow Fosco to note that this country is as populous as France. At some point, we are going to have to take the mental responsibility to think about places like the Congo.

[UPDATE: Please note the new list of "Africa Blogs" in the right column of Fosco Lives!]

Death of the Lorax

He was shortish. And oldish.
And brownish. And mossy.
And he spoke with a voice
that was sharpish and bossy.

"Mister!" he said with a sawdusty sneeze,
"I am the Lorax. I speak for the trees.
I speak for the trees, for the trees have no tongues."

Just days after giving up on mediation, the UCSC tree-sitters quietly left their perches and the bulldozing began. For 13 months, protesters had been occupying several giant redwoods on the proposed site of a new UCSC biomedical building. Today, construction began clearing the site.

In some ways, this makes Fosco very sad, as

1. He loves redwoods (especially 100 year old ones, like the ones being razed) and doesn't want to see them cut down.
   
2. He is completely uninterested in anything biomedical and wonders why we need another building for it.
   
3. This is another defeat for campus activism.
   

And yet, at the same time, Fosco has to note that THIS WAS THE STUPIDEST PROTEST EVER.

Think I'm wrong? Then tell me just what this protest accomplished? By my reckoning, the tree sitters

• alienated the entire Science Hill community with urine/feces dumping.
  
• isolated themselves from the rest of the student community through their extreme actions (and their actual physical isolation).
  
• provided an easy target for caricature and eye-rolling.
  
• had absolutely no effect on UCSC's LRDP.
  

Seriously--the protesters couldn't even get something out of mediation! Not one thing! Instead, after mediation broke down, the protesters gave up the protest entirely. So what do they have to show for their 13 months? Maybe a couple of woodticks.

Nice work, UCSC hippies.

From the Annals of Interior Decorating

From the HuffPo:

"Like those drapes? Lynn picked them out. And do you see how we used the Japanese shoji screen to make the desk feel like it's in a private alcove? That was Scooter's idea. Honestly, you would not have believed the terrible feng shui that Al Gore had in here. Myah."

Shoe Update: Bush says "Bring 'em on."

Fosco just watched a Bush interview, aired on MSNBC (left-leaning news!), in which the President commented on the shoe-throwing incident:

GWB: "This happens. It's the sign of a free society."

Really? Well then pucker up, Mr. President, because Fosco has a closet full of old Doc Martens for you!

Geertz, Levi-Strauss, Timberland

Fosco and Oz were watching football Sunday morning (morning football? Welcome to PST.) when Fosco stepped out of the room for a bit. When he returned, Oz had the TV paused (TiVo!) and had a big grin on his face. Oz: "You have to see this!" And then we watched George W. Bush get shoes thrown at him.



Yes, it's funny--no doubt. But equally funny has been the media coverage. Fosco particularly loves how every media outlet (and he's followed this story pretty obsessively for a day now) has to explain how being hit with a shoe is an insult in Arab culture. For example, here is the NYTimes explanation:

Hitting someone with a shoe is a deep insult in the Arab world, signifying that the person being struck is as low as the dirt underneath the sole of a shoe.

As opposed to how Western cultures view being hit by a shoe?

But the NYT as cultural anthropologist is even more helpful. Here is their explanation of the reporter's shouted words:

Compounding the insult were Mr. Zaidi’s words as he hurled his footwear at President Bush: “This is a gift from the Iraqis; this is the farewell kiss, you dog!” While calling someone a dog is universally harsh, among Arabs, who traditionally consider dogs unclean, those words were an even stronger slight.

Again, the NYT wants to make it clear: being called a "dog" is not a flattering thing. Now we know.

Although, while I make fun of this Kindergarten anthropology, I suppose there is a purpose. For one thing, it limits the Bush Administration's opportunities for spinning the incident. Just imagine:

White House Spokesperson: The liberal media has clearly misunderstood Mr. Zaidi's message and intention. It is our understanding that, in Iraqi culture, the giving of footwear is a traditional sign of gratitude. Clearly, Mr. Zaidi intended to thank Mr. Bush for bringing freedom and security to Iraq. And do I need to explain that the nickname "dog" is a popular way to express affection within African American hip-hop or college fraternity subcultures? The President would like to reply to both Mr. Zaidi and the Iraqi people: "You're welcome!"

But anyway.

The other thing that interests me about this incident is the ineffectiveness of the President's Secret Service detail. Seriously: I've always been told that the Secret Service is, like, a gang of ninjas. Why didn't an agent jump in front of the second shoe? Why didn't they push Bush to the floor? Why didn't they tackle the reporter? Actually, I'm a little surprised they didn't shoot the guy before the second shoe left his hand. Is it possible the Bush's SS just doesn't care that much anymore? Are they already on Christmas break?

From the "Bah, humbug" files.

Saturday night, Fosco and Oz decided to get into the Christmas spirit by taking a drive over the mountain from Santa Cruz to San Jose. There were three objectives for this trip:

1. Use a recently-received Borders gift certificate to do some Christmas shopping (at the tony Los Gatos Borders Store).
   
2. Drive through the amazing Christmas lights display, "Fantasy of Lights," also in Los Gatos (while listening to Christmas music!).
   
3. Arrive at Westfield Valley Fair mall in San Jose around 8:30 so as to miss the dinner rush at California Pizza Kitchen (a restaurant that played a surprisingly large role in Fosco and Oz's early courtship).
   

And how did all of that work out? I'm glad you asked.

1. As Fosco parked the car at the Los Gatos Borders, he realized that he did not bring the gift certificate. And so, Fosco and Oz decided just to head for the "Fantasy of Lights"...
   
2. ...along with everyone else in a fifty-mile radius. After sitting in a slow-moving line of cars for a half hour, Fosco and Oz reached the sign that read "Your wait from this point will be 45 minutes." Fosco did a Uie, so as to...
   
3. ...arrive at CPK in San Jose at 8:20. Table for two? One hour wait.
   

And while Fosco and Oz tried to kill time testing colognes in Sephora, their hearts just weren't in it anymore and they drove home hungry and empty-handed. Fosco was especially hungry after Sephora because Marc Jacobs For Men smells just like panang curry. Yum!

Aside from the panang-whiff, Fosco ended up feeling pretty Scroogey. How was your weekend?

Your Santa Cruz Weather Update

Yes, it's hailing.

From the "Priorities" File

Posted without further comment:

Elegant and Stylish Holiday Gifts

If you still have any money to spend on holiday shopping, Fosco recommends the 2008 Holiday Gift Guide of the lovely and intelligent Joanna Goddard (one of Fosco's old friends). Her taste is impeccable. She's thoughtful and creative. And the gift suggestions are rarely expensive. Fosco himself has taken Joanna's recommendation and will be wearing iPod-compatible DOTS gloves this winter. Thanks for a wonderful guide, Joanna!

Bachelorette Party Musical

You may have noticed that Fosco is occasionally obsessed with the teen-ish stars of the High School Musical franchise. He especially likes it when they do things like tan too much, get nose jobs, or show off their naughty bits (while running Windows Vista).

And how cute are ZacFron and VanHudge as a "couple"? They photograph as so very much in love! They photograph so heterosexual with each other that ZacFron could never be gay.

And here's another fun photo:

Yes, that's Zac and Van with a fan in the adult section of a party store, posing in front of mildly-racy kitsch like tiny plastic penises.

What were they doing there? Fosco's sources tell him that Zac was cooking dinner for Van and needed some penis pasta to make with Alfredo sauce. Oh, and he needed a cock ring.

Album Cover Roundup

We are approaching the End of the Year (good riddance 2008) and that means lists! Here's one of Fosco's faves: Pitchfork's 20 Worst Album Covers of 2008. There are truly some aesthetic atrocities here, especially the Brad Paisley (sorry, BeeMistress, I know you love him).

While Fosco can't argue with any of Pitchfork's choices, he has some "runners-up" of his own:


Are we really supposed to believe that anyone, anywhere in the world (even in China), would spray paint "Guns N'Roses" on a wall? Or is this photo from 1985?

Even though Fosco loves Taylor Swift (more on that, someday), he thinks it's rational to fear this album cover (how ironic!). For one thing, she's like 15 and shouldn't be wearing those hooker eyelashes. And then there's the problem with her hair and how it looks like gemelli.

Fosco really likes this album, but he thinks the cover is kind of a letdown. Maybe it's just too literal.

The next two covers are similar in that they both feature a sex symbol of yesteryear attempting to reclaim her sex appeal (when did that ever work?):

Is Britney forty years old? Is one of her eyes a lot smaller than the other? Is that a Farrah Fawcett wig? What is wrong with her arms? Is she supposed to have arms in this picture? Or is she doing a circus-themed impersonation of a girl with flippers for arms? Is that what she wants me to think when I look at this picture? Eeek.

My God. Is this supposed to be sexy? I'm retching. Retching!

Perhaps (just perhaps), this cover is a parody of those horrible sentimental paintings of animals decorating for Christmas. But I think it's actually meant sincerely. I can't decide whether my favorite part is the weasel who lives in the fox's anus or the strangely self-satisfied badger. Either way, it's just an art trainwreck.

What about you, commenters? Any faves this year?

Censorship at BY"U"

[Thanks to a tip from Mere.]

You may remember Fosco's feelings about Mormon higher education. Well, here's another troubling story.

J. Michael Wiltbank, a student at BY"U", submitted a final project for an art class that contained photographs of gay BY"U" students and their supportive friends. As Wiltbank explained the project:

I am not telling the viewer who identifies themselves as homosexual, because I hope the viewer will realize that placing a label with the portrait only creates divisions in our society and furthers stereotypes. It is my hope this body of work can be a vehicle for tolerance, support, love and change.

You can find some photographs from this project here.

According to his blog, BY"U" decided to take down his contribution to the show:

Apparently the topic of homosexuality is a bit much for the BYU audience and my part of our Fine Art Classes show was taken down today. It seems that censorship is favored over support and love. This really saddens me.

Luckily, after Wiltbank blogged about the censorship, BY"U" allowed his photos to be displayed, blaming their original removal on a "miscommunication" (HA!). Wiltbank (who strikes me as a genuinely generous person) is encouraged by this:

I think the administration's action has been a good example of that increased understanding.

Like I said, Wiltbank seems generous.

From where Fosco is sitting (some 800 miles away and 50-60 years in the future), the whole thing still seems somewhat sad. Think about it: all Wiltbank wanted to display were photographs of young Mormon men, some of whom self-identify as gay. The photos are not naked, sexually explicit, anti-religious, or provocative in any way--except, of course, that they show nice, normal-looking Mormon kids who just happen to be almost as sinful as murderers. (And we all know that there is nothing more "normal-looking" than a Mormon.)

This isn't about BY"U" condoning/condemning gay sex or gay marriage or gay parenthood (or any of those other activities that drive the LDS crazy and make them want to ship tons of money out of state); rather, what BY"U" tried to do here, even for a little while, was to efface the existence of Gay Mormons altogether. And that makes Fosco angry.

Quote of the Week: Branding Porn

From a Conde Nast Portfolio article about the business model of YouPorn (a site that Fosco does not intend to link to...):

[YouPorn's owner] shared his vision of turning YouPorn into a "very cool brand, perhaps the Virgin of adult entertainment."

Uh-huh.

As someone who has flown both Virgin Atlantic and Virgin America airlines once or twice (in fact, Virgin America is based in SF), Fosco doesn't quite see the connection here (other than that Virgin is a pretty cool brand). But there are lots of cool brands--why mention Virgin by name? Is YouPorn going to get mood lighting? Cheeky safety videos? Or, will there be YouPorn cola?

Actually, maybe I do see a slight connection...

"HO, HO, HO! Zach has Herpes."

Fosco used to have the biggest crush on girl-boy Taylor Hanson of the original tween-music-sensation-band Hanson. Taylor was just so beautiful in that androgy-twink kind of way (on the left on the CD cover to the right). When he sang "MMMBop," Fosco always melted (Taylor was always the real talent in that band). Fosco had a Hanson calendar and everything! Of course, that was all years ago, when Fosco was like, um, 25.

Of course, Fosco is all grown up now. And so is Taylor. He's got facial hair. He's had his home-school graduation. Heck, he's even married with four children! Yes, it seems that Taylor and his (loser!) wife just had their fourth child. They named the boy "Viggo" to join their other children: Ezra, River, and Penelope. Hmmm, at least none of them are named Trail, Dish, or Fang.

Actually, the most shocking part of the People Exclusive! is that the other Hanson brothers, Isaac and Zac, are also married--TO EACH OTHER! And, apparently, this very nontraditional couple has ADOPTED KIDS! Yes, it appears to be true:

The growing Hanson family also includes their cousins, Isaac and Zac's kids, Everett, 1, Shepherd, 6 months, and Monroe, 5 months.

No matter what the rest of the world says, Fosco wishes Isaac and Zac only the best for their relationship. I'm sure they're very much in love.

Because it's the Christmas season and Fosco is blogging about Hanson, he cannot resist pointing you in the direction of one of his favorite humorous essays by Jon Stewart. You can find the text of Stewart's "A VERY HANSON CHRISTMAS, 1996-1999" here. It's very short and completely hilarious. Stewart imagines the Hanson Christmas letters from three very eventful years. Fosco's favorite line has been used to title this blog post. Fosco's second favorite line?:

I still have more money than any of you will ever have in a lifetime of being paid by the government not to grow corn.

Merry Christmas, indeed, my friends.

Back to Normal(?)

Okay, okay, so the whole "Day Without A Gay" thing fizzled (damn economy!). Even Fosco wasn't able to keep all of his resolutions yesterday (although he did manage to mostly avoid the TV and the Internet). But applause to everyone who tried to take it seriously (and appreciation to The Beemaster for holding his challenging comments until today).

I think when it comes down to it, there was one major problem: gays love work too much! Well, maybe that's not the real problem. However, I do think that many gay people didn't really feel like punishing their employers and coworkers yesterday (especially here in the Bay Area, where so many employers and coworkers are gay-friendly). Fosco's boyfriend Oz did not take the day off, for several reasons:

• Oz's employer (a large, Peninsula-based, hipster corporation which shall remain nameless) is very gay friendly (both publicly and privately).
  
• Half of Oz's department is gay, as is a large proportion of the company itself. If all of them had called in, the whole thing would have shut down.
  
• The economy SUX, so why would you antagonize your employer?
  

Oh, I forgot: Oz also thought the whole thing was stupid.

Anyway, that's over and we can all get back to what really matters: Christmas (NSFW).

N.B.: Fosco will be grading final exams for the next few days, so Fosco Lives! may only be updated sporadically. Maybe.

Your Day Without Gay Fosco

Although he earlier poo-pooed the idea, Fosco is calling in gay to Fosco Lives! tomorrow. In fact, Fosco is swearing off the entire web for the day. Alas, he would love to avoid email as well, but he has a responsibility to his students...

Why the change of heart? Fosco read this excellent post, which included some convincing options for people (like Fosco) who can't skip work tomorrow but who want to make an impact nonetheless. The idea here is to efface one's presence economically:

Here are 5 ways you can make an impact tomorrow:
1. Volunteer your time and services after work
2. Do not buy anything
3. Do not watch TV or use your cell phone
4. Do not go online (yup, don’t even visit this site tomorrow)… Online advertising is everywhere and a simple page load could cause money to be spent.
5. Do not buy lunch (and don’t go out today to get what you need for lunch tomorrow), find something you already have and pack your lunch.

Fosco is going to try all of these (with an exception for his work-related email). In other words, Fosco is going to become as invisible as possible for the day. And he sure as hell won't be shopping at Urban Outfitters (but I guess that kinda goes without saying).

So what are you to do without new content on Fosco Lives! for a whole day? Well, without Fosco here to hector you about Prop H8, how will you keep up to date? Never fear: here's some Prop H8-related reading to do in your free time on Wednesday:

• The must-read article of the week is Newsweek's cover story on the relationship between religion and gay marriage. Guess what: religious fundamentalists may be misreading the bible (no! yes!). How so?
  

  The argument goes something like this statement, which the Rev. Richard A. Hunter, a United Methodist minister, gave to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution in June: "The Bible and Jesus define marriage as between one man and one woman. The church cannot condone or bless same-sex marriages because this stands in opposition to Scripture and our tradition."
  
  To which there are two obvious responses: First, while the Bible and Jesus say many important things about love and family, neither explicitly defines marriage as between one man and one woman. And second, as the examples above illustrate, no sensible modern person wants marriage—theirs or anyone else's —to look in its particulars anything like what the Bible describes.

  In fact, Lisa Miller (the author) concludes that
  

  Scripture gives us no good reason why gays and lesbians should not be (civilly and religiously) married—and a number of excellent reasons why they should.

  Good, good stuff.
  
  
• A great article in the NYTimes about the new gay activism (a very heartening piece, actually). Apparently, gay youth are taking Prop H8 as a wakeup call to abandon the timid rhetoric of traditional gay rights organizations in favor of a more confrontational approach. This seems like a reasonable conclusion. The appeasement/assimilation strategy of groups like the Human Rights Campaign has clearly reached its limit. It turns out that people aren't just going to give full civil rights to gays as long as we act harmless enough. We are going to get our full civil rights when we demand them and when we do so with enough power and strength to make people listen.
  
  The other great thing about this article are the tantalizing hints of protests to come:
  

  But many activists seem unwilling to wait for a legal solution and have planned a series of events to keep the issue in the public eye, including a nationwide candlelight vigil later this month, a Million Gay March in Washington next spring and continued protests at county clerks’ offices throughout California.

  Fosco is so down for the Million Gay March.
  
  
• Think domestic partnership is an acceptable substitute for gay marriage? Here's a heartrending story by a gay man who is caring for his partner's developmentally disabled brother (luckily, there are also some heartwarming parts). Thanks, Todd for calling my attention to this piece.
  
  
• Did you ever notice how Mike Huckabee is a likable, penis-having (reputedly) Sarah Palin? He's just as crazy as she is, but he's actually appealing (and can string together complete sentences). He also seems to think that the gay civil rights struggle is not comparable to Black civil rights because Black people faced the threat of violence during their rights struggle (read the transcript). Sure, Huck... tell it to this guy:
  
  On this Day Without Gays, take a moment to think about those gays who are not with us anymore.

If you can't call in gay...

By now, you've probably heard that tomorrow is the Day without a Gay, a day when gays across the country (and their allies) will skip work to teach the rest of you a lesson about our indispensability (I hope none of you have Broadway tix...). But, the idea is not for all of the hooky-playing gays (and their allies) to lounge around their gay homes all day (see pic at right). Rather, we are encouraged to donate our time to community service projects.

Fosco loves the idea, of course, but as he mentioned previously, his students have a Final Exam tomorrow for which he sorta needs to be available. But luckily, Fosco is not alone: there are other gays who cannot get off work tomorrow. So what are important working gays like us supposed to do?

Luckily, the organizer

has specifically urged high school students not to walk out of their classes and assured college students they won't be disloyal to the cause if they go ahead and take their final exams. He also has listed opportunities--ranging from writing letters to members of Congress about federal gay rights legislation to spreading the word about Wednesday on social networking sites--for gay marriage backers who cannot miss work.

Or, if you prefer other options, one of the other marriage equality groups has offered another way to participate:

Join The Impact, the online community that launched protests last month over the passage of gay marriage bans in California, Florida and Arizona, has urged people to withdraw $80 from their bank accounts Wednesday to demonstrate gays' spending power, and to devote the time they might otherwise spend watching TV or surfing the Internet to volunteer work.

So what is Fosco to do? While it would probably be easiest for him to withdraw $80 from his bank account, he's not sure he actually has $80 in his bank account. I suppose he could spend his internet time volunteering. But wouldn't that be punishing you, Fosco's loyal readers? (Or is that the point?) And if gays choose not to watch television tomorrow, won't that cause "Top Chef" to tank? No one wants that. As for writing letters to members of Congress, we've already seen that Fosco has no luck (damn you, Feinstein and Boxer). So that leaves the option of promoting gay marriage rights on Facebook. Maybe Fosco will use his Facebook status message! Wow, activism sure is hard!

But seriously, Fosco will actually do something tomorrow (other than update his Facebook status) to participate in the No Gay Day. And you should too.

Christmastime in SSF

Fosco and Oz had dinner in South San Francisco last Saturday (at Thai Satay. Yum!). Fosco had never been down the main street in SSF (Grand Ave) and he was surprised by the charming downtown district. At Thai Satay, Fosco and Oz got a window seat to look at the SSF Christmas lights.

One of the nice things about the Peninsula is that many of the smaller cities within easy driving to SF and San Jose still have vibrant, attractive downtowns with shops and restaurants. Fosco is quite fond of the downtowns of Burlingame, San Mateo, Millbrae, and Palo Alto. These downtowns are a nice surprise for Fosco, who grew up in place where downtown areas were dead and everyone within a fifty mile radius shopped and ate at the same mall/restaurant/entertainment complex built in the middle of cornfields.

Prop H8: Can You Live Without Your Gays?

Now this is a protest! On Wednesday, December 10, gay people are "encouraged to call in 'gay'--and donate your time to service!" (Presumably they will have lots of time to donate to service after being fired for calling in "gay.") Read more about the protest here.

Why a day without the gays? Well,

Gay people and our allies are compassionate, sensitive, caring, mobilized, and programmed for success. A day without gays would be tragic because it would be a day without love.

You see, gays are like giant love sprinklers who spray love all over the lawn of the world, nourishing the fragile heterosexual plants. And without your love sprinkler, what will happen to your lawn? That's right: love-lawn brown spots.

Silly rhetoric aside (what does it mean that gays are "programmed for success"?), this is actually a pretty great idea--assuming that there is strong participation. It might just surprise some Californians how many people in their everyday lives are gay. And once you realize that there are gays all around you, you might be less willing to fuck with their civil rights.

Of course, this protest is also a boon for comedy, as there is the opportunity for numerous jokes here about hair-dressing, gym-teaching, etc. Hopefully, this piece at Gawker has preempted most of those jokes by doing them well in advance. The better quote from the Gawker piece is this one:

people will see that nice gay and lesbian folk are everywhere around them. Stopping traffic for their kids, delivering mail, folding t-shirts, baking bread, teaching maths, governing cities, practicing medicine, hilariously defending your civil rights in courts of law, fighting impossible wars so you don't have to, and so and so on, forever and ever.

Or even grading your final exams! That's right: Fosco has a bit of a conflict here on Wednesday as his students' final exam is scheduled for that day. Would it be a good lesson in tolerance for them if Fosco didn't show up?

Putting the Santa in Santa Cruz

Where are you planning to spend the holidays? Well, if you have some disposable income and a travel jones, you can take a look at Travel + Leisure magazine's list of Ten Great Places to Spend the Christmas. Here's most of the list (#s 1-9):

• Bali
  
• Bay of Islands, New Zealand (it's summer there)
  
• Charleston
  
• Boston (it's wicked cold)
  
• Edinburgh (really? why?)
  
• Montreal
  
• Munich
  
• Park City, Utah (schuss...)
  
• Puerto Rico

The real surprise (for Fosco at least) is #10:

Santa Cruz

Yes! Santa Cruz (California) is one of ten great places worldwide to spend Christmas. Really!

You may be asking why (and in this you are not alone). Here's T+L's justification:
Now Fosco enjoys thousand year old redwoods as much as the next guy (well, maybe not as much as these guys), but why are they a good thing for Christmas? It's not like you can cut them down and decorate them in your living room (well, at least not easily). And who or what are these "over-caffeinated young bucks"? What does that even mean? Students? The homeless? Actual deer (pretty likely, actually)?

At any rate, it seems that Fosco will be spending his Christmas break in one of T+L's Top Ten Holiday Destinations.

Weekend Stories

Some quickbites from the weekend:

1. Will the real Bill Ayers please stand up? Oh, there he is, on the Op-Ed page of the NYTimes. He sounds like a pretty reasonable man, actually. The one good line:

We did carry out symbolic acts of extreme vandalism directed at monuments to war and racism

Why do I love the the phrase "extreme vandalism" so much? Because it reminds me of this (from Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle):


How extreme was your vandalism, Bill Ayers? Extremely extreme! Wooo!

2. Let's stay on the NYT Op-Ed page for a second. In this piece, Patrick French needs to tell us that "They Hate Us — and India Is Us." Apparently, the terrorists hate Mumbai because

Despite its manifest social failings, India remains the developing world’s most successful experiment in free, plural, large-scale political collaboration.

The problem here, as Fosco has noted in a recent post, is that the phrase "despite its manifest social failings," brackets some serious contributing factors to the kind of violence directed against Mumbai. It's also worth noting that referring to Mumbai, which is the slum capital of the world, as "the developing world's most successful experiment" is a bit like calling Lubbock the most exciting city in Texas's South Plains. It may be true, but it's not really a cause for celebration. You know--it's as if the NYTimes op-ed columnists aren't reading Fosco Lives!

3. Did you hear that George W. and Lori Laura Bush bought a house in Dallas? Sounds like a perfect neighborhood for them, too. According to this story,

until 2000, the neighborhood association's covenant said only white people were allowed to live there, though an exception was made for servants.

That's right: "until 2000"! Now, I don't know if Kanye West was right that George Bush doesn't care about black people, but it sure seems like Bush doesn't want to see them at the block party.

4. Perhaps the saddest news that Fosco has to share with you today is that the recession is finally hitting Fosco's favorite sector of the economy: fine dining. From an article in the SF Chronicle:

Not since 9/11 have Bay Area restaurants, whether it be the fancy, white-tablecloth ones or the cozy neighborhood hangouts, seen such a lull in business. But this time, restaurant owners say, it's worse. Even in an area known for its obsession with food, some restaurants say revenue is down as much as 40 percent. Many restaurateurs are laying off workers; others reducing the days they are open.

Worst of all, there is no immunity for the Bay Area's premier temple of culinary art, Restaurant Michael Mina (home of two Michelin stars--the highest rating in the city):

For the first time in its nearly five-year existence, Michael Mina, the four-star restaurant in San Francisco's Westin St. Francis Hotel, will close two days of the week - Sunday and Monday. Chef-owner Michael Mina said those are his slowest days in an already slow economy. He said his sales fell 10 percent during September and October. Tables aren't filling up like they once did, and diners are shying away from expensive wines.

This is especially sad to Fosco as he has a thing for Michael Mina (the restaurant). In fact, this is where Fosco and Oz celebrated their first anniversary this past summer, over a meal that was spectacular in every way. Including dessert:


Hang in there, Michael Mina (the restaurant)! Fosco and Oz will be back (if the recession is over by their second anniversary).

New Look

Inspired Christian Dior or perhaps by Josiah McElheny's blown-glass homage to Dior, "From an Historical Anecdote About Fashion" (2000) [see below], Fosco Lives! has a New Look. Hopefully, you will find the new Fosco Lives! to be a little sleeker, a little more chic, and a little less "template-y." And there are still some tweaks to come.

The new header is an engraving of the character Count Fosco from Wilkie Collins's The Woman in White. This engraving is from an 1861 American edition of the novel (published by Harper & Bros.) held by the NY Pubic Public Library (thanks to Google's Library Project). The illustrator was John Lennon McLenan.


This is also a good time for Fosco to thank you for your devoted reading. If it weren't for you, Fosco would be lonely.

Onward!